Reality TV vs. Reality

I have dated at least 4 if not more Reality TV veterans whose true character was only revealed once the cameras stopped rolling. Below are the four worst offenders.

1. Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo)
I actually met this man at an event in Los Angeles when he was normal, a.k.a. before he embarrassed himself and possibly anyone who ever knew him on national television. He was respectful, intelligent, tall, dark, and handsome. A few dates later he offered me a plane ticket to come to visit him, however I declined to move out of the LA LA Land and back to New York City. He contacted me in the city and after a few flirtatious phone calls and one face-to-face rendevous. I was being offered another plane ticket, only this time it was only on Southwest?? I would have had to take a train over 2 hours towards the Hamptons to fly on the preferred airline of cheap assholes. I told him “No”. Then he countered the offer with any airport in New York City as long as I researched a cheap ticket?!?! I really had to laugh at this point and told him I would get back to him. The next thing I remember, I was walking to brunch on the Lower East Side when I get a call from my stepmother telling me to sit down. Apparently, my new love affair would be cut short as Romeo had proposed to his first date on a classy show called the Millionaire Matchmaker. Our brief rendezvous at the W hotel was not a Real Estate conference, but a live taping of him and his fiancé promoting the network on a morning show. I told him to never call me again as I would never be interested in a man of his character, or lack there of. (Shockingly enough, he went on the second season!)

2. The Bachelor (ABC)
I met him at a wedding, which you would think would be innocent enough. A few dates and romantic sleepovers quickly turned into solo bubble baths in his grandmother's luxury 5th Avenue apartment, terrible 80's porn, and awkward behavior that could be a link to his coming out of the closet moment. This bachelor was clearly not a prince, he just played one on TV.

3.The Fifth Wheel (MTV)
I thought I had it made with his blueberry pancake and goat cheese omelet breakfasts after nights of amazing sex until I realized he screamed like a girl at the sight of bugs and winced in fear at incredibly unrealistic reenactments of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

4. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Bravo)
The Queers on Queer Eye failed to teach the 35-year-old DJ how to behave like an adult. My New Years Eve was full of promise with dinner at The Waverly Inn with his actress friend and her entourage ready to party from Los Angeles. Instead the night became tainted with his constant crude penis jokes, including actual thrusting movements with a Grey Goose bottle at Bungalow 8. I took a gypsy limo home, sitting in the back with a Lasa apsa wearing a bow tie. I could have been driven by Michael Jackson and not even noticed after the night of horrors I just endured.

The lesson here is that all these guys have strange personality glitches that drive them to find fame on reality TV. Look at Jake Pavelka and every other douche looking for their 15 minutes even at the expense of their morals and dignity. My advice is: RUN away as fast as you can!!

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