On Fear

Abridged from Jonathan Franzen's commencement speech at Kenyon College:

My friend Alice Sebold likes to talk about “getting down in the pit and loving somebody.” She has in mind the dirt that love inevitably splatters on the mirror of our self-regard.

The simple fact of the matter is that trying to be perfectly likable is incompatible with loving relationships. Sooner or later, for example, you’re going to find yourself in a hideous, screaming fight, and you’ll hear coming out of your mouth things that you yourself don’t like at all, things that shatter your self-image as a fair, kind, cool, attractive, in-control, funny, likable person. Something realer than likability has come out in you, and suddenly you’re having an actual life.
This is not to say that love is only about fighting. Love is about bottomless empathy, born out of the heart’s revelation that another person is every bit as real as you are. And this is why love, as I understand it, is always specific. To love a specific person, and to identify with his or her struggles and joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self.

The big risk here, of course, is rejection. We can all handle being disliked now and then, because there’s such an infinitely big pool of potential likers. But to expose your whole self, not just the likable surface, and to have it rejected, can be catastrophically painful. The prospect of pain generally, the pain of loss, of breakup, of death, is what makes it so tempting to avoid love and stay safely in the world of liking.

And yet pain hurts but it doesn’t kill. When you consider the alternative — an anesthetized dream of self-sufficiency, abetted by technology — pain emerges as the natural product and natural indicator of being alive in a resistant world. To go through a life painlessly is to have not lived. Even just to say to yourself, “Oh, I’ll get to that love and pain stuff later, maybe in my 30s” is to consign yourself to 10 years of merely taking up space on the planet and burning up its resources.
When you stay in your room and rage or sneer or shrug your shoulders, as I did for many years, the world and its problems are impossibly daunting. But when you go out and put yourself in real relation to real people, there’s a very real danger that you might love some of them.

And who knows what might happen to you then?


Jason leaves for Italy tomorrow. It occurs to me that this epic summer we have planned - both together and apart - will either make us or break us. He & I will spend 25 days apart while he's launching the Rome leg of his company. The most we've spent apart since we've met is 5 days. It's starting to get to that annoying point where even two days feels like a long time. I hate this point because I know what's coming...

Crippling co-dependancy. Loss of control. Fear. Pain.




Some people call it love, too.

*scorpio*

Survived

So much sexual violence in the news today.

An Egyptian General admits to administering forced 'virginity tests' to women protesting in Tahrir Square. These tests were ostensibly to prove that the generals didn't rape the protestors, when in fact, I'm sure you can guess what the 'test' itself entailed.

In keeping with the theme, an Egyptian banker was arrested for imprisoning a hotel maid in his room at The Pierre, while groping her. She was able to escape, and reported immediately to a manager who did not display the same sense of urgency. He was arrested the following day.

A Bangladeshi woman took matters into her own hands, literally, when she chopped off the penis of her would-be rapist.

And finally, 85-year-old New York woman was sexually assualted and robbed around 5 Monday morning. She is in the hospital and stable, he is still at large.

*scorpio*

Image from Getty Images

Timing is Everything

Yesterday, a tour of the Sistine Chapel in Rome ended with a mass in person blessing from the Pope.

After a deep realization while sitting in front of La Fontana di Trevi at 2am, I caught the right train seconds before it left and ended up at the possible point of my near future, Florence.

I am currently enjoying a long lunch for one with a glass of Prosecco in a lovely restaurant in Piazza Madonna. I am reviewing a course book from Lorenzo de' Medici. They offer a class called Love, Beauty, and Natural Selection: The Science and the Myths. Maybe I will come to Florence and study love....that would be ironic.

I occasionally glance up at the piazza to see the locals and tourists stroll by. I can imagine my life here. I am waiting for my Italian lover, who apparently has a romantic surprise for me?

Again, timing is everything!

*Aries*

Response to reader Annalee

Annalee commented on my Stranger Danger post, requesting tips for young women in the city. My thoughts -

+ At night, when walking home, I glance at the reflections in shop windows to see if anyone is following me. I turn my iPod off. There's been a rash of crime recently on Christopher street - pedestrians are thumped in the back of the head & robbed.

+ I always check around the area before entering my building. The vestibule between the two entry doors can become an easy place for a targeted attack - it happened to a college girlfriend once in Brooklyn.

+ I never have men I am casually dating meet me at my apartment, in fact I never even tell them the cross streets until I feel very comfortable. I once had a stalker; I stand by my right to be discreet.

+ When in doubt, do not engage. I make it a point to not make eye contact while commuting as some men view this as an invitation. (See: Pink Cadillac)

+ I often ignore men who try to get my attention, especially when alone - perhaps they are just asking directions or the time... or perhaps they are preparing to rob/assault me. I'd rather be wrong than wronged.



If any of these sound harsh or rude or unkind, may I remind you that young ladies are socialized to always be likeable, polite, and accomodating. Ted Bundy played masterfully on this socialization, often pretending to be handicapped so the victim would help him into his van, or offering to assist her with her groceries up the stairs. Those women were not rewarded for their good grooming.

In summation, New York is a pretty safe place... but for women, a heightened sense of what's happening around us is necessary.

Listen to your gut, not your friends.

*scorpio*

Stranger Danger

On Sunday night, I was leaving my apartment with my boyfriend & best friend to see Bridesmaids. As we rounded the stairs, I saw a delivery guy on the landing. He was staring up at me with this really creepy look. I averted my eyes and kept moving down the stairs. He said, "Kristen?" I kept walking as I am not Kristen nor do I know one in the building.

Outside, Jason told me that ignoring the creepy man in my building was rude. Now, seeing as Jason has lived in the bucolic, mild-mannered town of Princeton for the past five years, I decided to educate him. "Dear, it's generally my policy not to engage with skeevy strangers in my stairwell," I said, "as both a woman and a New Yorker, you're going to have to trust me."

I wish that were the end of the conversation. Jason said it upset him to see me being rude as I was such a warm, loving person. I said, "Do you really want me to be warm and loving with strange men!?"

And then he did something totally out of the ordinary - he pouted. He pouted all the way to the movie theater, in front of my best friend. It was quite strenuous for me to carry the conversation and attempt to work around his mood. Finally, midway through the movie, he gave me a squeeze.

After the film, my best friend (wisely) departed, and Jason and I made our way home. The first thing out of his mouth: I'm sorry I called you rude.

Thank you!

I explained to him that I don't want to have the type of relationship where we correct each other's behavior. We are two individuals, operating in two separate spheres, and we can't attempt to control one another's actions. I'm going to act in a manner that makes me feel comfortable as a single woman living in Manhattan. He's going to need to understand that - especially as I am moving UP UPtown in a few months to an area that is decidedly less safe. Excuse me if I don't embrace the random men who call out women's names as I pass.

This also makes me a bit nervous for Italy. The last time I was there, I was sixteen. While packed on a bus in Rome, an old man shoved his hand up my shorts and into my underwear. To say I have misgivings about going back to Rome is an understatement. I've mollified myself with the knowledge that I am a seasoned New Yorker now, and I can take care of myself. I don't know how I'll react if Jason isn't supportive of the lengths I take for a feeling of security.

While Jason feels better after talking with me, I'm still a bit peeved. He brought it up again this morning. That makes the third time we've discussed this in as many days. I knew dating the son of therapists would have it's special challenges, but this feels a bit excessive. It feels as if he's undermining my intelligence and experience level. Why not trust my actions and give me the benefit of the doubt?

I called the one woman I knew would understand - my mother. She was a model in the city when she was a bit younger than me, and when she was my age, she put her long, shiny blonde hair in a high ponytail on top of her head, and cut it off just below the elastic. She dyed it brown. Anything to stop the attentions of men, she said.

While I won't go to those extremes, I certainly dress in my version of armour. Only recently have I felt assertive enough to wear sweeter pieces. I don't want that power subverted by my boyfriend's idea of 'manners'.

My mother said to tell him, "Pretty women have walls. They have to."

I hope he understands - because I won't say it again.

*scorpio*

Uptown Girl

It's my last few days in my lovely little West Village apartment & I'm getting a bit sad about it. It's the most incredible neighborhood & I'm truly going to miss it. I'm somewhat mollified when I think of my truly gorgeous brand-new super big 1 bedroom apartment uptown with killer river views (and THREE closets!). Seriously, it's my very first adult apartment and it feels really good. Jason's already salvating over the granite & stainless steel kitchen and planning several dinner parties. (No, he's not moving in- call me old fashioned but I don't want to live with anyone before I marry. After all, you only get a couple years to live alone and I plan to seriously relish them!) I've already got great design schemes for the new pad - but I'm still at that life stage where I can't have it all (meaning location & sweet apt). Oh well, I had location for two glorious years... time to move on up!

*scorpio*

Fashion's Dirty Secret

This is old news, but I've only just heard about it now. The man pictured above was found guilty of 16 counts of sexual assault, battery, and lewd acts. He was a fashion photographer who - you guessed it - routinely raped the young models who were to be his subjects.

What's shocking is that the media barely covered this. What's shocking is, when people found out, they were not surprised by the rape - but by the fact that the models came forward.

Fashion has been accused of many things - promoting unhealthy body image, racism, child labor. It's now being said that the industry did it's best to cover up this empowering story of young women standing up for what's right - career be damned - and winning a rape trial! Fifty-nine years is something to celebrate. This conviction could've been used as a platform to empower other models to come forward. Often the girls are afraid of the ramifications if they speak up - after all, fashion is a small world, and there's always a new 'face'.

When I was working in PR, I used to host model castings. Some of my friends asked if I would conduct the castings viciously (as is the stereotype) by calling out their flaws. I remarked that I was always positive with each young girl and that I often wanted to mother them a bit. While I was only 23 at the time, some of these girls were barely 14. When I think of what some young models have endured, especially in light of this article, it makes me so sad. I remember being 16 and being asked to model, which my mother (having been a model herself) expressely forbade. I was angry at the time - but now I am so thankful.

As discussed in The Guardian article, there are some models who are moving forward with efforts to unionize or at least provide support for young girls under this kind of institutional pressure. It's sad but true - the fashion world won't change unless the models band together. This conviction was a great first step. Media, take note!

*scorpio*

Just What I Needed

Last night, I was just ready to relax with a good friend over many glasses of Rose. The days are becoming more and more draining in the office. I was just rushing out to make my much needed hair appointment when my boss decided he wanted to jet down to Florida in three hours. This would have been fine had I not cleared his calendar, then re booked everything for the past 5 days as the meeting kept shifting. The one moment I was finally saying goodnight to the office, they decide to actually make a plan. I didn't even have a reaction because it was too typical.

Anyways, I made it just in time to get amazing layers by the fabulous Franco at Cutler Soho. He is the first stylist that I completely trust to make me look and feel amazing. He is difficult to get into as he is jetting all over the world for photo shoots, but it is worth a try if anyone is in need of a great cut!

I was finally smiling again by the time I left the salon and headed to Union Square for some much needed alcohol. My friend sprung the idea of going to see the last showing of Bridesmaids. I hadn't even seen a preview and hate movie theatres, but this would be the perfect mind numbing experience I needed to end the night.

It was SO worth it!!! The movie is real, raunchy, and hilarious! The acting is superb and the script is so much smarter than those cheap guy humor films. It was just what I needed!

*Aries*

Oh, Arnold...

If you're going to be a typical politician and cheat on your wife, at least take the two seconds and WRAP IT UP. A secret love child? Really?!

*scorpio*

"And that is what they call CLOSURE"

Last Friday, I had lunch with THE EX. The first person I ever loved, the biggest heartbreak I've ever suffered. He was in a motorcycle accident not long after we parted, and almost a year later, he's still unable to walk without aid. After the crash, I visited him in hospital and we began a delicate friendship. At the time, I still wasn't totally over him, and seeing him once a week wasn't helping. It was only after he hurt me once again that I was able to literally & figuratively close the door on our love. As soon as I did, I found the person I really wanted.

He and I remained text buddies though, I wanted to keep tabs on his recovery/ act as suicide watch. I mentioned to Jason that he and I were to meet for lunch, to which he replied, "You don't have to tell me that stuff." And he never asked about it again. Whoa, right?

So the ex and I ambled to lunch last Friday, he in his cast and me in my skyscraper heels. We ate and laughed and reminisced. It was one of those lunches where you realize how far you've come. This time last year, we had lunch the day after I was fired. I was still deeply in love with him, deeply in debt and crushed with sadness. This year, I'm into an Ivy league grad program, debt-free, and thrilled with my new boyfriend. Last year, he was just accepted to Georgetown business school, had a new girlfriend and a packed social calendar. This year, he's just back at work after a 9 month hiatus, deeply in debt and his friends are all married or living together. He's the last single one.

Still, it was nice to see him again. He asked if I was in love with Jason, and I stuttered and blushed. He reassured me that it was ok to tell him, and I said, "Well, I'm a bit gunshy towards love considering the last person I said I love you to was you. If I recall, you replied, "I want to love you but I can't" which is probably the single most painful sentance in the English language." We both laughed at his commitment phobia and he told me that he probably would've given me the key I asked for if he wasn't so insecure. While that would've thrown me into a tailspin a year prior, now I see him for who he is. And it's ok.

Walking away from lunch, I felt light and happy. We'd made jokes out of our old wounds, we'd given each other advice (his, of course, was to not see my fuck buddy ever again. Pretty solid, if you ask me), I'd teased him about his man-whoring and ability to pick up women no matter his physical state. It didn't bother him that I was happy with my boyfriend. It didn't bother me that he was sleeping his way through the city. The love was gone but the friendship remained.

Kind of the best of both worlds, eh?

*scorpio*

PS I'm still terrified of falling in love. I'll never forget that searing pain.

Savage Beauty

McQueen ballet d'doleur
"I think there has to be an underlying sexuality. There has to be a perverseness to the clothes. There is a hidden agenda in the fragility of romance. It's like The Story of O. I'm not big on women looking naive. There has to be a sinister aspect, whether it's melancholy or sadomasochist. I think everyone has a deep sexuality, and sometimes it's good to use a little of it - and sometimes a lot of it - like a masquerade." Simply breathtaking, exhaustive retrospective. The most incredible curation I have ever seen. They said the line would take two hours, but we waited less than 45 minutes... do not be intimidated by the crowd. It was worth every second. My boyfriend even loved it and the dear boy knows nothing of fashion. The images above are just a small snippit of the fantastic display. Have I been clear? GO! GO! *scorpio*

Loneliness

I recently picked up the book Lonely by Emily White. I read an article about this book almost a year ago and finally decided to pick it up. I am not even halfway through and it has already captivated me. Emily breaks down the feeling of loneliness and separates it from depression. I was shocked to learn that people suffer with loneliness for decades. It isn't like you are the bird lady that sits crumpled on a park bench feeding her only little feathered friends. The book states that lonely people have friends, family, a healthy lifestyle, a stable job, and everything most people have. I can associate it with a hole, maybe a spot in your soul, that just can't seem to be filled. It is a hard thing to admit to yourself, when you feel like you have everything, but to dig deep into the emotion can be very eye opening. There are also very damning statistics on how people who suffer in silence die earlier and are more than twice as likely to have health problems with serious consequences.

I am really very intrigued and recommend the book to anyone who is interested in learning more.

I was shocked to read about the beautiful Yvette Vickers, who died alone from heart disease (a common health problem for the lonely) and was not discovered until a year after she passed.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110513/ap_en_ot/us_playmate_home_body;_ylt=AsRODuBRYGOMqmaVBJWEpOnjOrgF;_ylu=X3oDMTM2amI4ZGlwBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTEwNTEzL3VzX3BsYXltYXRlX2hvbWVfYm9keQRjY29kZQN0b3BnbXBlBGNwb3MDMwRwb3MDMwRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3JpZXMEc2xrA2Nvcm9uZXJzYXlzMQ

*Aries*

Best Shopping EVER

Have you ever seen something on a model or celebrity and thought "I WANT THAT!" Well I stumbled upon this amazing shopping website! You can shop by designer, by model picks, or by celebrity!

http://www.singer22.com/

Have fun updating your spring wardrobe!

*Aries*

S.O.B

Did anyone else scoff at Kenneth Moreno's testimony?? I felt like I was reading a bad Lifetime movie script when he explained his "relationship" with his victim. He described his actions as if he was the hero who held her hair as she puked, held her hand as she cried, and resisted her very physical and sexual advances. He even claimed to cuddle with her and sing "Living on a Prayer" to comfort her!?

I have a hard time believing that a woman who was so intoxicated that a New York City cab driver called the cops just to get her out of his cab, was begging a police officer to be her boyfriend (he said it...not me). I have been intoxicated (or poisoned) to the point I couldn't walk out of a club bathroom. I was in there vomiting for hours until a girl who I happened to know found me. I was disoriented, sick, and unable to walk on my own. If this survivor was anywhere in the realm of the same state I was, there is just no physical way she would have been doing anything that he described. This is exactly what the survivor claims in her testimony:

“I woke up to being penetrated from behind,” she said.
The woman said she was helpless and could not cry out for help.
“I was so intoxicated, I was dead weight. I couldn’t move, or do, or say anything,” she said.

I feel terrible for the survivor, but Kenneth's story had to sound just as ridiculous to her as I hope it did to the jury.

"Rape Cop" Lawyer: My Client Is Dumb, But Not That Dumb"

Really.....I beg to differ.

*Aries*

Mind Fucked

Yesterday my old fuck buddy called me. We knew each other for a year, and I reluctantly ended things with him once I became serious with Jason. I say reluctantly only because it was the greatest casual relationship ever. We treated each other well, calling occasionally just to chat, and he was always respectful. Plus, the sex was insane. I actually had to have my best friend on the other phone with me while I ended things with him, for moral support. As much as people say that women can’t have sex without feelings – I disagree. And I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. He and I would have a great time together and then I would go about my life, not really thinking about him for a week at a time. It was empowering, it was freeing, it was a release. I have no regrets.

When he called, we caught up a bit. It’s been a few months since we talked and it was nice to hear how he was doing. But then the conversation took an unanticipated turn. We were talking about my boyfriend and our summer plans, when he interrupted.

“You know, with us, it was just timing. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. It doesn’t surprise me that a guy locked you down. You’re such a great girl… I know I’m going to regret losing you. I kind of already do.”

I was speechless. Where was this coming from?? It isn’t often that you have a casual sex relationship with a man that leads to HIM wanting more. I was always 100% satisfied with the nature of our relationship, but I had noticed he had dropped hints about wanting more. I just ignored them, thinking nothing of it.

I had dinner with my girlfriends last night at Waverly Inn and we were discussing the exchange. We all burst out laughing at the irony of it - men only want more when you don’t care. On top of that, we realized it always takes men a few months to resurface. Women have more of an on/off switch. Men seem to secretly pine.

On the phone, he asked me for a lunch, somewhere public. He promised that from now on, we were just friends & he would control himself, so I agreed. I mentioned I have a bit of a tall, blonde panoply of girlfriends, and he told me that a lot of his fun-loving Aussie boys are now in the city. We made a plan to have a big, fun, platonic night out. Well, he & I will be friends… it remains to be seen what happens between our groups.

I ask you – can fuck buddies be friends? Or am I playing with fire?

*scorpio*

Fashion Meets Finance

Is there anything more contrived than a mixer between fashion girls & banker boys? I mean, don't get me wrong, I've dated my fair share of bankers... but I found them the old fashioned way. Like, by walking down the street, or into a bar, or anywhere in Murray Hill/Midtown, or on a Friday night, or in the subway. I mean, it's fucking simple. In fact, I basically majored in bankers the first few years in New York.


Let me save these chicks a few years and a few tears - in general, they're super fun, but don't you dare give them your heart. Not until they turn 32, at least.

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2011/05/bankers_disappointed_by_lack_o.html

*scorpio*

The End of an Era

After almost exactly 25 years of marriage, this power couple is calling it quits. Interestingly, the divorce comes only months after Maria lost her father. I was reading in Psychology Today magazine that when one partner undergoes a major life change (such as death) it becomes exponentially harder to maintain the union. Our experiences irrevocably change us - compound that with the fact that she left her career to be the Governor's wife - perhaps Maria felt unmoored.

Still, it makes me sad that these two couldn't make it. The marriage proved to be adventagous for Arnold; he once famously said that the keys to success were: 1. move to America 2. work your butt off 3. marry a Kennedy. Maria, for her part, has started a successful women's empowerment website. Best of luck to these two.

Read more at NY Times and NY Mag.

*scorpio*

Risk

“Hey honey bunny, can’t wait to see you!”

The text almost made me vomit in my mouth. It was Tuesday, our mid-week date night. I was rushing home after a long day of mollifying my landlord & the board with the promise that my dog would be delivered back to my mother’s house that day. I unlocked the door to my now quiet, puppy-less and empty apartment and sighed. I was trying very hard to not be annoyed with the text message, but I loathe pet names, and this new one was particularly vile. Only moments before, I was thrilled to see Jason. I surprised myself by how quickly my mood turned.

I was in the shower when he arrived, and I somehow managed to essentially ignore him while getting ready. We were due at my brother’s home in a few minutes to finish up the war game, RISK, that we’d started weeks earlier. As I rushed him to the subway, I realized we hadn’t even hugged hello yet.

On the subway platform, I turned to him, all big eyes and mournful mouth. “Hi.” I said.

In the car, we talked about why I had been acting so cold. I told him I missed my puppy, and explained that the pet name really freaked me out. He smiled and said he was being jokingly over-the-top. We both laughed. We were tenuously repaired.

There’s nothing like a game of warfare to fray an already strained evening. When Jason (who was essentially beaten) leaned over to counsel my brother on how to take over the entire world (he had the southern hemisphere; I the northern) I felt betrayal. How could he choose any side against me? I’m a bit of a poor loser and despite my best efforts I only barely kept it together. I went from jovial banter to veined politeness as I watched my brother rip through my armies.

Walking back to the subway, I attempted innocuous dialogue about the weather while my mind whirled. I was afraid – our relationship is so great that sometimes it terrifies me. I don’t want to lose him, but a part of me feels like I will (since I lose everyone) and so I sometimes push him away in an attempt to have control over something, anything. Conversely, I was now deeply afraid that he’d seen an unattractive side of me and he’d no longer want me. I was bracing myself for the breakup; telling myself that I couldn’t be perfect all the time and this relationship was too much pressure. It feels like a huge risk to be in something this great – there’s so much to lose.

And then, on the platform, he wordlessly pulled me in for a long, deep hug. Despite my best efforts, I started to cry a little bit. I hadn’t yet said a word when he whispered, “Baby, I love your flaws. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

It was like he had read my mind...I exhaled for what felt like the first time that night and relaxed into his embrace.


I can’t believe how lucky I am.

*scorpio*

Sunny Side Up

This is the gorgeous bedroom I was assigned for the weekend

I've never slept better. Ensconced by the sound of the waves crashing on the beach not two feet from my balcony, I drifted into an easy, pillow-padded slumber each night

And it doesn't hurt to wake up to this view every morning...

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all peaceful slumber. There were beer bongs at 12 noon, dancing around the fire, magnificent four course dinners, lots of neon, wetsuiting, beachside runs, and annoying the neighbors. You know it's going to be a great weekend when Facebook postings are forbidden. These were the only shots I managed to get before the madness began.
*scorpio*

Exhausted

My happening Friday night consists of my bed, a movie on itunes, and General Tso's chicken with brown rice.

I was called into Mt. Sinai hospital on a case around 9:30pm last night. I didn't get home until 5:00am this morning! This was the most complex case I have been on. The mother had been raped and abused over a period of months and the two year old daughter may be been molested. They both spoke little English and I spoke even less Spanish, so most of our interaction was through a translator via phone. Every possible 3rd party was involved in an over crowded hospital, which only brought more delays.

I offered to take her daughter out of the room while she was examined. She forced her adorable daughter to hold my hand and said something in Spanish that made the little girl stare at me with confusion, but less fear. I could not believe that I was exposing this poor girl to all the chaos and horror of an ER, but since we couldn't communicate with each other walking seemed to be our only hope. We walked for at least an hour, hand in hand. She would look at me with these giant brown eyes that couldn't mask her fear. I finally broke that when we stumbled upon a fish tank in the waiting room. She laughed and smiled as the fish swam by. All I could do was gently stroke her hand and smile to assure her that she was safe.

It's amazing that human compassion and understanding can break all cultural barriers. I only wish the rest of the world could feel that too.

*Aries*

Cinco de Drinko

Gorgeous view from my bedroom window at my friends beach house in Santa Barbara. We're doing a bit of a girls weekend, complete with cocktail hour, 80's clothes, and hot tubbing. Just what I need...

Happy weekend!

*scorpio*

X+Y=Z

So I have always wanted to do this and last night.....I did.

After a lovely dinner at Morandi with one of my best girlfriends, I decided to give my f-buddy an extra treat. I raced home before just before midnight and stripped down. I grabbed my Michael Kors trenchcoat, nude Louboutins, and walked out the door. He offered to take my coat and the rest I will leave to your imagination.



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



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*Aries*

London Bridge Fell Down

Well, I called it. London was fading away.

I spent part of last night fighting with him over text. My last text just before I got out of the cab to turn aggression into orgasms with my f-buddy read "what's the point".

London emailed me today and we spent most of the afternoon in this dramatic email exchange, finally settling as friends. We began as friends and mesh the best that way. I told him that I had regrets, which is the worst thing to have. I try to live my life without them and turn the worst of the worst into life lessons. I have yet to find my lesson in this, but maybe I will be able to turn a failed relationship into a lasting friendship? Maybe I just need to listen to my gut instinct and wear a Chastity belt!

*Aries*

Girl Crush

I'm so in love with her right now.

This moment, she's such an influence on the future of women in Hollywood. TIME agrees. Read more about this mysterious & brilliant comedienne here.

*scorpio*

Best & Worst

I want to look like her... now


To DIE for


Whaa...? Not the right dress for this classy woman


Umm, hair, dress, no. Cheap!

Motivate

I want my ass to look like that of a Brazilian supermodel.....

SO I couldn't ignore my second snooze alarm at 6:15am this morning. I thought about sleeping in, but realized if I want my body to change I have to get up! I literally ran to reserve a bike in spin class. Scorpio motivated me to try spin class again, so this morning I found myself half awake and fumbling to adjust a stationary bike. I think it has been over a year since my first spin class and I could feel it! At first, I thought I was being tortured with "hills" and "jumps". Then I thought of my goal, an amazing ass, and I regained my focus and began to push myself. I have a new appreciation for spin because it forces you to reach deep within and challenge yourself physically and mentally.

This concept made me think back to all of the goals I have accomplished, simply from putting myself out there and not saying "I can't". I have been featured on a TV show with a celebrity, featured in a fashion magazine, walked a runway, published as a photographer, a public forum poet, world traveler, and I have lived in my goal cities (Los Angeles, New York). It doesn't have to be something major. I also feel inspired when I make it through 3 miles on the treadmill at 7.0 vs 6.0. You have to think back to the book The Little Engine That Could when we first heard "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can".

I have learned there is really nothing that you can't do in life, as long as you think you can. I am not trying to sound like The Secret! I just want to give our readers some motivation. There are so many things that can bring us down or make us feel stuck in a routine. I can remember reading a common saying that there are roadblocks in life to see who is determined enough to push through them.

Scorpio and I were talking about our anticipated life shifts this year that we have worked very hard for. I am sure we all know people who sit and complain about everything, but never motivate themselves to change. So this spring/summer, I challenge our readers to think about something you want and go for it!!

*Aries*

Oh, The Places You'll Go...

Last night, Aries and I met our Absolut friend and her friends for dinner at the just opened Mondrian SoHo. I went to their opening bash a few weeks ago, so it was nice to check it out again sans raging crowd. It's a bit Dr. Seuss meets Alice In Wonderland, but I liked the whimsy.


And of course, the food was to DIE. We had a little shrimp cocktail, cauliflower fritters, and the most beautiful seared scallops. Perfect end to a perfect day.

*scorpio*