What Must It Be Like...

...to be the most beautiful woman in the world?
*scorpio*

Images at www.vogue.com

Falling In

A few weekends ago, Jason mentioned that one of his aunts has cancer and at best, a few months to live. He invited me to join him in visiting her that weekend, but I declined thinking it best to meet the family during a less stressful time.
Last weekend was supposed to be that time. He asked me to come upstate with him on Saturday and spend the day with his family. Sensing I probably couldn't get away with saying No twice, I agreed.

On the car ride up, he asked me if I was nervous. I thought about it and said, "No, not really." I guess he took that as a challenge.

"Ok, so you'll be meeting my aunt Pat and uncle Jim, older cousins Debbie and John, his son John, cousins Sandy and Dave, their children Joey and Jake. And of course, my mom and dad. Oh, and it was kind of Pat's dying wish to meet you. Don't be alarmed, she is not going to look good at all."

Of course, he saved this little speech for the driveway. I sat there, frozen. Visions of my grandmother's last days flashed through my head. I could not keep it together for her, how was I going to handle a stranger near death?

I said, "I hope you realize that you're asking a huge thing of me. At least I had the decency to dole out my family one member at a time! We are moving at warp speed here, it's only been a month!!" He just looked at me patiently, and said in a smooth voice, "You're going to be great - they'll love you."

I breathed.

"Ready?"

As we entered the house I was immediately put at ease. The place was lovely and his family seemed warm and kind. I helped myself to a drink and attempted to slow my heartbeat while I waited for his parent's & aunt's arrival. Soon the house was filled with people - probably 30 in all. It seems his cousins had invite the neighborhood. Considering my entire family is three people, I was a bit overwhelmed. Jason was great about staying with me and making me feel safe.

Once his aunt arrived, she asked to meet me. I was led into the room, a little nervous at what I might see. She actually looked great for her condition and I was instantly relieved. She took my hand in hers and talked to me for ten minutes. Her whole face lit up when she saw me, it was so sweet.

Later, Jason and I took a hike in the woods nearby. We ended up getting completely lost and had to run about a mile back along the highway looking for the car. It was so much fun. We made it back in time for dessert and a little chat with his parents.

I didn't get a chance to talk to his parents too much - it's kinda hard with 30 people to meet! I was a little nervous that I didn't do as well with them as I would've liked, but Jason later told me that his aunt said I was beautiful and had such a kind demeanor, and his mother said that I fit right in with the family.

Success!


This weekend, Jason's at bat. He's meeting my mother and her fiancee....I've saved the best (and most difficult) for last. My mother is quite hard to please. I probably won't tell him that until we're at the doorway, though!

*scorpio*

A Perfect Gentleman

Whoa....

I met this new guy for dinner on Sunday at an old favorite, Cafe Gitane. The initial interaction was a little tense, but that quickly faded into 4 hours of intimate conversation. I could actually feel myself staring at him in awe, not just of his good looks, but because he could be the most self aware, intelligent, genuine, loving, connected person I have ever come across. His life reads like a classic war novel and he would play the hero. I tried to wrap my head around how good of a man he actually is, but all I could do was stare in pure amazement. We closed down the restaurant and walked our separate ways after a brief hug. He told me that he would be back in the city on Wednesday, so we made plans to meet for a drink.

Wednesday could not come fast enough. I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him and see him again. I was sitting at my desk trying to process the idea of having found the perfect gentleman. If the chemistry works, he may just be the perfect catch! Is this actually possible!? He text me that he wanted to take me for dinner and chose another brilliant restaurant, Sant Ambroeus. We were both running late due to the sudden spring snow storm (ugh), but when I finally arrived he greeted me with such warmth and excitement. We had an amazing conversation over Italian appetizers and red wine. I couldn't contain my nervous laughter at one point when I found myself so impressed by him that I didn't believe it. I was completely honest as to why I was laughing and we both just looked at each other as if to say "I know" at the same time.

After dinner, we walked to The Other Room and shared a bottle of Chianti. He ended up moving us to a more romantic corner of the room and the first kiss came shortly after. Butterflies shot through my stomach as I realized it was the amazing kiss that I had imagined and hoped for. I literally had to stop kissing him to catch my breathe and let my mind catch up. I don't even know if I have ever felt that feeling before? It was almost a shooting pain that goes through your body because the kiss holds more emotion than you are ready for. I ducked my head into his chest after breaking the kiss and he whispered "I know". OMG!!! This connection is the craziest thing I have felt, and that is saying something. He immediately invited me to a wedding next weekend, where I will be meeting his entire family and he will be seeing friends that he hasn't seen since he was stationed in Europe. It says a lot that he wants me to be there for a moment like that, two dates in!

We left the bar as it was closing, after all of the trains had left Manhattan. I knew where it was going, but he stopped me and was again, the perfect gentleman. We tucked ourselves into my room and explored each other in a very PG way until I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, our fingers locked together on both hands. We held hands as we walked in the morning and he kissed me as we snuggled on the subway. I had an actual moment of pure happiness and I text that to him. His response was perfect and even more sweet than I could have expected. What is happening to me??!! We exchanged email, Facebook, and BBM (which we have been on all day). I cancelled my date tomorrow just to hang out with him again before he leaves town for the weekend.

The feelings I get around him are not driven by curiosity, boredom, lust, whatever else I have felt with men. I am truly astonished by this man and his character. Maybe that is the sexiest part of a man? (although ALL the parts are working in his favor too) ;)

*Aries*

Miracle Bar

You guys, I know I sound like an infomercial here - but this soap has singlehandedly changed my skin.

It used to take me forever to go through my face regime - first washing with a special cleanser, then toner, then Retin-A, then Clinique Dark Spot remover, then moisturizer and eye cream. Not to mention special medication in the likely event that I had a breakout. So deflating.

Then I won this Cor Silver Soap on Ramshackle Glam and my whole world changed. Seriously.

All I do is get it a tiny bit wet and work up a very thin lather. I put it on my face, let it sit for about 30 seconds, and rinse. That's IT.

My skin has not broken out, felt tight or ruddy in six weeks. That's a modern miracle (especially when I used to get weekly breakouts - at least). Plus, it smells sooo good!

On top of that, I have a rosy glow, and my skin is brighter. My acne scars are gone - faded so much faster than when I used Clinique.

And the best part is, I don't wear face makeup anymore. At all. Ever.

My boyfriend said the other day, apropos of nothing, "You have such a perfect complexion."

I've had bad skin for FIFTEEN years. That comment alone is worth the hefty price tag. (Thank goodness you only need a tiny bit!)

Guys, I'm a lifetime convert.

*scorpio*

*I was not paid or perked in any way to write this review.

O.M.Gyn

The problem with being in a new relationship is that you both have to get tested. This is a rather simple procedure for a man, I believe it involves urinating in a cup (tough) and getting a finger pricked. They suffer so much, these guys.

For a woman, it's an hour long process, involving stirrups and scraping. Yay. I dutifully made my way to my new gyno this week like the good girlfriend I am. My new doc is a man - it just makes more sense for a guy to be down there poking about, you know?

Before we got started, he sat me down and we had a chat about my history, concerns, etc. I loved that he did this while I was still fully dressed - most of the time in New York you're lucky if they ask you your name; they're in and out in ten minutes flat.

Then came the hard questions - lobbed so casually at me. "How many partners have you had in the past six months?"

Now I've gone on and on about how I've been so celibate and reserved this past year. But when thinking back over the past six months I realized what a freaking liar I was, even to myself!

I forgot about my fuck buddy (necessity!) and the New Year's glitch with my asshole ex. Adding in my new boyfriend, of course...EEK. That's a lot of dick.

So I did what any responsible 28 year old woman would do: I lied.

Yep, I guess I'm not as enlightened a feminist as I pretend to be. Any single, good looking Manhattan man with a passable amount of game has had more partners than that in one month, and yet I still felt ashamed by my sexual forays.

After all, I have a few friends who have had that many partners in their lifetime!

(they're all married, of course.)

*scorpio*

Juggling Act

I can remember a time when I was shocked by the idea that you had to discuss being exclusive with someone. In the early days of dating, the man who asked you out wanted a serious relationship and it would just continue to develop in an organic way. Maybe that is just how things work in a small southern town?

Many jaded years and big cities later I realized nothing is as it seems unless you put it in writing, after a background check, and psychological evaluation! I find it ironic that the moment I decided to give up dating, I started relationships with three different men and counting. I have three new dates this week, two of which I connect with on fundamental levels that are new to any partners I have romanced so far. Would it even be possible to date five men at one time?? I feel like I now know what it is like to date like a man. I am surprised that I don't feel any remorse or shame sleeping with one after the other (not necessarily having sex). I am choosing to live in the moment. Monogamy feels like a distant memory that I have no interest in revisiting.

After "London" revealed his feelings, I did feel a pang of guilt. I have to admit it is a selfish act to have multiple partners, not even thinking about their feelings. I don't remember what happened to the wholesome woman, who used to dream about the perfect relationship. I feel like all of these men see me in the light I used to see myself in. Now, I would be considered a total player. I was trying to count my lovers while I walked along the westside highway and ended up saying "that weird guy, oh and that blonde guy, and what was his name....oh well him too." When he told me that he only slept with three people, I blushed at the thought of telling him how many times he would have to multiply his number to get to mine. Society accepts that men can sleep with a new woman every night, while the woman is supposed to pine away for Prince Charming to take her virginity.

I don't know if these men are thinking we are monogamous and developing something with potential or if I am one of many women in their lives too? I guess there is no way to tell until we have the conversation. I will be left speechless and may have to plead the 5th when that time comes.

*Aries*

The Truth Comes Out

London and I met in Brooklyn for a Jeff Buckley Tribute at The Knitting Factory. It started like every other date we have had. We laughed, shared music, and acted like teenagers who are too shy to admit a crush. I backed off and just viewed him as a friend after the night he left me for the two men at Rose Bar. I have blogged that I could just not figure him out!

So after 3 double gin and sodas we were borderline wasted and over the concert. We ran out of the bar with our drinks and laughed as we walked arm and arm to Williamsburg. He took me on a sort of pub crawl landing at a dark booth for some prosecco. This is where the truth came out....

He started out by telling me that he could sense I have more to my story. I am a very complex woman and try to hide all of the pain from my past relationships, but men do pick up on it. I was talking in circles trying to avoid getting into any details, when he kissed me. At first I was shocked, then embraced the moment, then went into shock again. This was our second kiss, but first kiss since Rose Bar. He looked at me and said "I have been waiting for so long to do that." I wanted to blurt out "You like me? you really like me!" I let my massive buzz do the talking and grilled him on choosing to go home with men? He told me that he went to an after party with them and then went home. He then continued to share his feelings and attraction for me. The prosecco started swimming around my head and he suggested going back to his place. I wouldn't have been able to direct myself out of Brooklyn anyway, so thought it as the convenient solution.

We ended up kissing and cuddling while he continued to share his thoughts about me and this relationship. He referenced a lot of future trips and opportunities for us before it hit me. He was just a really proper, sweet guy, who looks for relationships! Here I was judging him for not making a move, dating all over the place, losing my expectations while he was simply building his. I felt guilty for not realizing this and the possibility that he could really be falling for me. There are so many things that I like about him, but can he handle me? The dynamic is shifting from friends to lovers. I am not sure I can handle that.

*Aries*

Just When You Thought It Was Safe...

Will the ignorance EVER END?

Please, read the following:

"There was an article about an 11-year-old girl who was gang-raped in Texas by 18 young men because she was dressed like a 21-year-old prostitute. And her parents let her attend school like that. And I think it’s incumbent upon us to create some areas where students can be safe in school and show up in proper attire so what happened in Texas doesn’t happen to our students." —Florida state representative Kathleen Passidomo, explaining why she supports a bill that would make schools adopt age-appropriate dress codes.

Walk through it with me... an 11 year old was gang raped BECAUSE she was dressed like a prostitute?!?!? I'm sure if we all just slipped on burkas no one would ever rape anyone ever again. Just look how well it's going for Afghanistan. I mean, it's obviously that little girl's fault - she was just asking for it, right?

And this is spoken by a WOMAN who is running for office. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?


I'll say it again, for those just joining. Rape has nothing to do with sex, it's about violence and power. Men don't rape because they're 'turned on' they rape because they want to dominate, humiliate, and ruin. And, just in case it's not already crystal clear-- blaming the rape victim/survivor is so 90's.

Let's enlighten, shall we?

*scorpio*

Article via NY Mag. Read more here.

My Favorite Spring Trend....NUDE

Oxfords from J.Crew



My first pair of comfortable Louboutins out for their first spin at Cecconi's, LA

*Aries*

La La Land

I spent THE perfect long weekend in Los Angeles. For the first time in many months, I was able to really get away, let go, and enjoy my surroundings.


Brunch in Malibu, on a random Thursday afternoon, made me rethink my city and career choice.....




LA weather


The Standard Hotel rooftop in Downtown LA

AMAZING new Tom Ford store on Rodeo

Quick stop at The Beverly Hills Hotel

It had been almost 5 years since I have been back to the West Coast, so I was anxious to see how I would feel. I truly lived the Hollywood life at a time when I had no idea who I really was. It was amazing for me to feel the person that I am today, compared to the young girl I was back then. I did slide back into my old ways by texting a former flame. We had this crazy text/sex relationship that was a tease for both of us. I text him after a birthday party on Friday night. I was wearing a C.F.M dress and my new nude Louboutins so I was up to my usual antics. The next day he text me to continue the tease. We decided to just go with it and meet for a drink at his local hotspot out of pure curiousity. I initially walked right by him, but then our eyes met and we smiled and hugged like old friends. He had just explained the past 4 years of his life, when the ex he just spoke of walked by the table and sat directly in his view. Apparently, she was the serious ex, the one he chose to move in with, but then move away from. Three months ago it ended badly and now I was caught directly in the middle. I laughed and joked that I thought I was the only one who shit like that would happen to. He became incredibly uncomfortable and tried to talk to her, but that was a disaster. The last thing I wanted on my mini-vaca was drama, so he walked me to my rental car and told me to call him later tonight. I decided to treat my best friend (who was the entire purpose of my trip) to a nice dinner and ignore any desire to start a night of seduction and trouble. He text me and I decided to close that chapter, but extended my friendship if he should ever come to the East Coast. I fell asleep dreaming of my boy toys back in New York. It took almost all of my twenties, but I am so happy to see how I have grown into my own regardless of external circumstances.

*Aries*

I'm having my next clandestine affair at The Mondrian, SoHo

Last night was the opening party of The Mondrian, SoHo. The guest list was murder, but we got in just as the wind was whipping up. Open bar, packed with a veritable who's who of the fashion & social scene of Manhattan, it was like a very swank reunion party. Great way to kick off the summer.

Of course, a special apperance by The Kills. I saw them in concert when I first arrived to the city and got my first fashion job. So in a way, The Kills serve as bookends for my fashionable life in NYC. It was strange - I remember feeling so excited to see them when I was younger, and I was much less cool. Now, I have kind of 'made it' in a small sense, and yet, I feel nothing. My friends and I were talking about this - it's the New York effect. Eventually we find a way to complain about even the coolest shit.


Like I said, I'm having my next clandestine affair here. It's just such a sexy space. Maybe it was all the men...


After a few drinks & photos we braved the insane winds and beating rain to head to the after hours party. I ended up having to walk home in the pouring rain because cabs are near-impossible in a storm like that. Total money spent to rub elbows with the fabulous & get a nice buzz? 1 dollar, for the coat check girl. I take it back...

I love New York.

*scorpio*

Under Pressure

Last weekend, Jason & I housesat for his friends. We were excited to spend time with their puppy, Petey... how naive we were. The dog was so badly behaved it was maddening. He wouldn't stop moving and barking and licking and begging for attention. We did everything we could think of - walking, feeding, playing. Nothing sated the little monster. On top of that, while Jason and I were finally getting our groove on in the bedroom, we put Petey in the living room. Just as I was getting into it, I heard the damn dog bark. I tried to ignore it but the barks became more insistent and we had to stop. Jason and I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling, hypothosizing what could be wrong with Petey. I had this flash - OMG this feels like what it would be like to raise a child! It was all too real.

The miasma of panic stayed with me through the week. I did the mental math - we'd only been offically together for a month. ONE MONTH. And he's talking about going to Europe with me this summer, and what are August plans are, and whether he should live part-time with me next year while I'm at school. I felt like the world was closing in. Just one month ago, I was dating tons of people, going out all the time and feeling free. Now I feel all of this pressure.

Jason called last night. My roommate is going to be out of town this next week and I'm looking forward to having the place to myself. I casually mentioned this to Jason and he suggested, without missing a beat, that he come and stay with me in my apartment for the week. A whole week of me getting up and going to work and trying to work out and meeting friends all while having him there, writing his dissertation and cooking. It just Freaked Me Out.

I'm the type of girl who's gone entire relationships without letting the guy see my place. I like my space. I like my alone time. I'm not ready to be showing my post-workout side or my coming-home-buzzed side. I don't want him asking what I'm doing that night. I don't want the obligation of telling someone where I am. Baby steps, for goddsakes. It's only been a month! In my last relationship, we didn't even see each other sober for almost three months. This is warp speed for me.

Of course, the great thing about Jason is that I can talk to him about this stuff. So we talked about how I feel like we're moving too fast and perhaps we shouldn't be talking about the future so much. I even told him that if we weren't long distance, he wouldn't even know my address yet. I think he understood. We'll see how it goes this weekend.

The funny thing is- and he concurred- we both freak out when we're not together and I build up my walls and he overanalyzes, but then when we see each other everything is perfect- like, truly wonderful.

But let's not get too excited.
*scorpio*

Cope

Last night, I treated myself to a night of sparkling rose and an intimate acoustic show by Citizen Cope at City Winery. I cannot say enough good things about this venue! The musicians, staff, ambiance, wine, and food were all amazing! I joined a couple at a reserved table and realized I was on a date with myself. I looked around as the romance started to build with Citizen Cope's soulful songs. Men were rubbing their dates' backs, picking up the check, or kissing one another. Moments like these used to sting a little, but I smiled and text my friend "This night is so romantic I fell more in love with myself and sparkling rose".

As the show came to an end, I was still debating to see my fourth date of the 3 day week (I met an new guy in Bryant Park for a coffee earlier in the day)! The guy from my post a few days back "Toothbrush Terror" made plans to see me after the show. He was working late in the office and I was too impatient and tired to really wait around. He begged for me to come over, so I decided to get some affection and not waste my buzz. I didn't want to be that girl who sleeps with two guys back to back, so I told him I just wanted to sleep. We made out like a high school couple and he tried to get more, but I literally fell asleep...ooops :-) I feel like I am starting to date like a man, who doesn't need to settle down with one person, yet romances all of them. I have to say, it is quite fun.

My roomie text me in the morning concerned as she hadn't seen me since Sunday. I told her exactly what I have been up to and closed with "I love that I am walking down Christopher Street in all leather before 9am on a Wednesday morning". She responded "it's ok Christopher Street has seen worse things".



I spent the day half asleep, only to still be awake at 1:15am and I have to wake up at 4:30am to catch my flight for Los Angeles!

*Aries*

Scenes from the Armory

This weekend I spent some time at The Armory show on the Pier in Manhattan. For the uninitiated, its an annual showing of Modern & Contemporary art - for Sale! For example, my friend and I spotted a Picasso for a bargin basement price of 40K. It was so great to see the types of people who are able to afford real art. I long to be one of those people someday soon (with my own money, thankyouverymuch!) Besides the big spenders, the place was packed with ironically framed hipsters and leather clad models. It was kind of amazing... and super packed. Still I managed to get a few great shots. For now, the photos will have to suffice.

*scorpio*