Nightmare Before Christmas

It was just hours before I was set to fly south for the holidays. I had an exhausting day to top off and exhausting six months and could barely move by midnight. The person I had been seeing for the past few months (also discussed in my blog entry "Poker Face") begged to come over to see me off. He came over and tip toed into my room. Just like many nights before we laughed and shared passionate kisses. He wanted more, but I stressed that sex was not even up for negotiation. He would give up and hold me, only to circle back to sex. Suddenly, he was on top of me with one hand digging under the muscles in my abdomen. I couldn't catch my breathe to speak from the shock of the pain. He was inches from my face aggressively saying "Say it!, Say it!"
I still was breathless under his jabbing fingers and tried to inflict pain on him by stabbing my finger into the sensitive flesh above his armpit. He continued pushing further into my abs saying "Say it! Say you want sex"!
I finally managed to take a deep breathe and said "Stop!, Get off of me!".
This only provoked him to become more aggressive.
"No! That hurts! Stop!" I said in a breathy panic
I was desperately wiggling to break his grip on my stomach. His weight was becoming a crushing force along with the intense pain. I watched his lips continue to make demands when all went quiet in my head. I realized the situation was now out of hand. I no longer recognized this man as a lover, but as a dangerous stranger. I wanted to punch him in the face, but something held me back. I moved with the extra force of "fight or flight" and was able to free his grip. I pushed him and moved away. He quickly reacted and dragged me back beneath him. I moved again, this time bringing my legs up to my chest. He started to lung for me and I kicked him in the chest and back away until I was standing on my bed. I jumped off and said something along the lines of "I can't believe you just did that to me, knowing all that I have been through."
He looked at me with a shit grin and motioned for me to sit back on the bed.
"You think this is funny? Get OUT of my apartment". I demanded
He looked directly into my eyes and said "No".
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT, NOW, or I am calling the police!"
At that, I grabbed my blackberry and walked down the hall to my front door. By the time he decided to walk out of my room I already had the front door open.
"Are you serious?" He said
"Yes, get the fuck out." I replied
He extended his arm towards me....
"Don't you dare touch me! Get out, NOW!"
He threw his hands up and walked out.

The worst part of all of this is that I didn't break down crying in disbelief. Instead I walked back to my room, set my alarm clock for 3 hours, and went to bed. I woke up just as numb to it. Somewhere along my path I have become desensitized to men being abusive in my life. When I landed I had a text from another Ex (also featured in the blog) who is facing domestic violence charges with his ex-fiance. He is trying to bring me in the middle of his bad judgement and told me, via text, that he gave my information to his lawyers to validate his "he said she said" stories?! REALLY....I don't think so! What a jerk! I am sure the stress is just being suppressed somewhere in my mind, as I can feel the irritation and sadness rippling through my body.

I am lucky that I left New York a few hours after it happened so that I will really be able to reflect in peace while being surrounded by family (although it is a secret to them). I know behavior like this is no longer acceptable in my life. My New Year's resolution will be to ONLY go for the nice guy from this point on. Enough is enough.

*Aries*