Last night was my first night on call with SAVI. My phone rang at 9 pm and by 10 pm I was sitting in Queens Hospital on an interpersonal violence case. While I cannot go into specifics about the circumstances, I will say that the five hours I spent with the survivor were eye-opening. I wasn't nervous to meet her, surprisingly. I was just anxious to start helping. She was such a strong and smart woman with a great safety plan and incredible emotional clarity. We spent time talking about everything she'd accomplished so far, so that she could see how capable she is. We talked about the myth of femininity, in that women are conditioned to be submissive and 'nice' and how that may not be the best thing. We talked about her goals, and how she was going to accomplish them.
At one point she said she felt like a cliche. She was like, "I can hear myself saying these things and it sounds like a movie." I explained to her that physically abusive men manifest their controlling behavior in a few specific ways, that it's totally normal, and that it has nothing to do with her. A survivor never sees that initial stages of abuse and control, it slowly increases over time. It's not her fault that this happened to her. Economic abuse is one facet - the man will control the woman's money to the point where she has no autonomy. Isolation is another, she lost contact with her family for over a year. The great thing is, she's so excited to get back to being who she was and doing the things that make her happy. She writes great poetry - something she gave up in the relationship, and she's looking forward to discovering what makes her happy again.
When she walked out of the hospital she had a smile on her face and hope in her heart. She had pressed charges against him, she was returning to their shared apartment with friends to remove her things and she's already rented an apartment upstate.
Her entire face lit up when she talked about what it would be like to be able to go out and take a walk and feel the breeze through her hands. She said, "I'm a free spirit and I just want to feel free again."
I believe she will.
*scorpio*
About Me
- Knockout Blondes
- Two five-ten blondes fighting against the stereotype to find love, success, and a way to pay the rent. *** We're passionate about our seriously stressful careers in the apex of the luxury fashion world. (No, it's not like the Devil Wears Prada- our Devils only wear custom and pay for their anonymity.) *** We're on the search for the elusive 'great' guy (who must be intimidated because we can't find him anywhere). Being 5'10" and blonde is a double-edged sword. Our stories are fucking ridiculous. *** Fortunately and unfortunately for us, we share the same story as millions of women who have been violated: we are determined to make a difference in the lives of women who have seen too much. *** WELCOME TO OUR WORLD.
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