The Stats: Joel, 27, 6'4", 3 sport athlete, Cornell grad, police officer. He hooked me by asking immediately about my volunteer work when he emailed me. Out of the 150+ emails I recieved, he was the only one to talk about that aspect of my profile. Also, I couldn't resist the 6'4" stong man...Yum. I love feeling small.
We met on Monday night at a little Mexican place near my apartment. It was absolutely wickedly cold outside. Even my forehead hurt from the freezing temperature... and yet, he still waited outside for me. Love that.
We sat down to sangria and salsa and he started telling me about all of the crazy things he's seen on the job. He works the Harlem area that's most known for 'the best heroin in the US' so you can imagine what he's experienced. It was so interesting to get a police officer's perspective - especially of domestic violence. I've often felt like the law doesn't do enough to protect the battered - often times a restraining order isn't effective, and following the arrest, the perp is re-released (often to disastrous results for the battered). He told me that in Manhattan, they almost always make an arrest, both to protect the women and to protect themselves in case the violence escalates.
It was hard to hear that he couldn't be compassionate - he explained that it's too hard to feel something for everyone because of the sheer volume of fucked up shit they see. I can understand that, in theory, but it was unsettling to see a 27 year old already so protected.
We talked about my volunteer work in Philadelphia (another heroin hotspot) and how the commute is the killer. When he first started, he was on foot. Apparently you only get a car after one year. He was headed back after his shift in Queens, in plain clothes, with his female partner. They were on the subway at about 4 AM, all alone save for one older Manderin gentleman. At the next stop 7 young black men entered the car. They surrounded the Manderin man and asked him to give up his cell phone. The poor man did not speak one word of English. Growing frustrated, the guys grabbed the phone and then knocked the man to the floor. Joel's partner did not have her gun on her. They began beating him severely. Joel stands up and brandishes his off-duty gun (smaller, with only 9 rounds). He tells them in a severe voice to stop - and thankfully they do. Joel was nervous because, with only 9 bullets for 7 guys, if things got out of hand, or god forbid, they had a firearm, the odds were not in his favor.
His partner pulled the emergency exit while Joel held the seven guys with his gun. Two police officers enter, and since Joel is wearing street clothes, they point their gun at his head and start yelling for him to get down. He immediately dropped his gun and got on the floor with his hands behind his head. I asked him why he didn't just say he was an officer, and he said, "I was just staring at that barrel, and knowing how quickly things could change it was better to not make any movements or protests." They quickly figured out who he was, and arrested the seven men. Joel told me the Manderin man was quite badly beaten - apparently they had stomped on his head and he had a knot the size of a baseball on his cheek. Joel didn't sleep very well the next few nights.
He also taught me something - he said that it seems to him in domestic violence cases that the man is hitting to control, not to hurt (not that it doesn't also hurt.) For example, Mike Tyson & Robin Givens. One real punch from Mike would be lethal, and yet she survived many years of abuse. So he obviously had self-control even when angered. This means the argument of "I got so angry/drunk I couldn't control myself" is complete horseshit. I thought back to the girl I met on New Year's Day. They had been physically fighting for hours and while she definitely suffered internal damage to her eardrum, she didn't look beaten. He was obviously still in control even when hitting her - which just makes it all the more sick & twisted to me.
Anyway! Back to the date. After a few hours of these uplifiting topics(!) he walked me home - at midnight, in the freezing cold. He kissed me outside of my door and it was so great to lean into this tall, muscular man with the great lips. I am definitely physically attracted to him. I'm just not sure I can date a police officer... after all, I have been known to bend the law from time to time ;)
*scorpio*
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