The Long Game

My iPhone lit up on the bar where I was splitting a beer with my brother one lazy Friday night, and as he glanced down at the screen, his mouth fell open.

"What are you doing still talking to him?" my brother asked, incredulous.

"We're just casual friends now," I replied simply. The truth was, ever since I walked out of his apartment last December, I hadn't really given him much thought. As I walked out of his apartment for the last time, the slamming door echoed the sentiments of my heart. He'd revealed himself to be just as he always was, and it was just the wake-up call I needed to finally move on with my life (and, incidentally,find someone wonderful) No coincidence there, I think.

"But you can't be friends with an ex", he sputtered. "One person always wants more."

I vehamently disagreed - after all, I have managed to stay casual friends with almost all of my ex's. And I certainly didn't want them back.

Growing frustrated, my brother upbraided me for my ignorance. "It's called The Long Game, and he's playing it with you"

Suddenly, a random man at the bar interjected. "Oh, the long game... yep that's tough... my ex is doing that to me right now."

My brother explained. The Long Game is when an ex works slowly to reel you back in - my ex has sent me a bracelet from India to thank me for taking care of him after his accident, along with a very sweet note expressing a kindness I'd never seen while we were dating. Then there was the time he was emotionally vulnerable to me over email when cancelling our friendly lunch. He explained how he just wasn't ready due to some lingering depression over the accident. Again, far and away the most open and real email I'd ever received from him. He texts me a few times a week, and has mentioned we should get together again now that he's back at work.

I understand my brother's insistence that I be careful - he doesn't want me to fall back in with my ex, who was bad for me in spectacularly inumerable ways. But, I've never sent him a gift, I don't write cards, I barely remember to respond to his texts. The truth is, if it weren't for the accident and the crushing emotional blow that followed, I doubt we would have ever spoken again. It's a combination of sympathy and guilt that keeps us in touch.

Still, now that my brother has divulged this well-kept man secret, I can't help but notice it everywhere. Johan still texts me every few days, though we haven't seen each other since I became exclusive with Jason. He's proposed the idea of being friends a few times - but now I know better. My favorite fuck buddy just can't seem to stop checking in - I guess he's hoping I will soon be single. I can't really understand how men think this long game is actually going to be effective - if they knew anything about women they'd know you only get once chance per woman. They never seem to believe us or want to change until we're already gone... and now I know that even their 'changes' are all part of The Long Game.

Now that I know this, I can't believe I ever thought otherwise... Ladies, take heed.

*scorpio*