Redefining Rape??

You guys, please sign this petition. Legislators are moving to redefine rape as 'forcible' only. This means the survivor would have to have bruises, cuts, etc for it to be considered rape. The ramifications of this are cataclysmic and propels us back to the 1950's when it wasn't rape unless a woman physically fought back against her attacker. As many of you know, in many cases this is not possible, not recommended, or simply not that kind of rape. It's not all back alley's with strangers...

http://pol.moveon.org/smithbill/?rc=fb.share.smithbill.0.2.taf.alt.alt6

Aries & Scorpio

If It's Good Enough for Mario...

Last night, after an stress-fueled run (you should've seen me pounding it out on that treadmill), I met Martin for our second date. We were originally supposed to go to Lair, but it was totally dead so we walked around the corner and picked between a few places. He was undecided so I said we should try this cute Italian place called Osteria Morini.

It was totally packed, but we managed to get a table near the front, as I was starving & didn't want to wait. He picked a great bottle of wine while I debated the many incredible options on the menu. Just as I'd decided on the tagliatelle with veal ragu, I looked up to see Mario Batali walk in for dinner with a group of friends! Wow. I had no idea I had accidentally picked a restaurant that great. I had to explain who he was to my date, who's English and a recent transplant.

We settled in with a bottle of wine and some antipasti and talked about our work ethics. It's so interesting to date men at the top of their game, I love hearing their perspectives on how they run their business and manage their employees. He talked about his need for control, and how he knows he's almost always right. Confidence is attractive, sure, and I played along. After all, I'm a bit of a control freak myself. A few times, when I was talking about my philosophy, he gave me this great look like he totally agreed and couldn't believe I'd said that. It was great to see him kind of loosen up a bit and not brag so much - during our first date he was quite the blowhard, at least for the first hour.

By any other standard, it was a great date. I, however, have been lucky enough to have some truly fantastic dates lately, and so I skipped home to text with Johan.

I'm seeing him tonight... can't wait!

*scorpio*

Buddha Belly

On Tuesday, Jason met me after work to attend a meditation seminar with me and my friend Sarah. We walked into the class and realized it wasn't a one-off, but rather a series of classes. We'd already missed six.

Thankfully, the teacher was super welcoming and took the time to explain concepts to us newbies. It was pretty compelling nonetheless. We talked about how to stop the cycle of obsessive thoughts - and the concept that we control our thoughts (and therefore our attitudes). I definitely forget that sometimes. I remembered when I was getting over my ex, I felt like I couldn't stop thinking about him, it was driving me mad. I finally started just yelling "Stop!" out loud everytime he creeped into my head. And you know, it worked... eventually. Definitely something I'd like to get better at.

We also talked about the idea that too much pleasure always equals pain. Think about it.

Finally, we talked about how fleeting pleasure is, and how endless the pursuit of it can become. We think that (simplistically) a pair of shoes is going to make us feel better. It does, in the moment, but then that moment fades and with it the pleasure... (don't I know!) On a deeper level, he said even the pursuit of pleasure in the sense of our relationships fades. I wasn't really sure I understood that as well. He finally said that the only true pleasure, and therefore peace, comes from within. You decide how you view the world, you decide how you interpret others, you decide to be happy. That I liked.

Lately, I've been trying to do more of that... not be a slave to my emotions, but rather recognize and control them. I try to reinterpret things so that I realize that most of the things people do have nothing to do with me! It makes me a more understanding person, and a better friend, I think. You've gotta take your own ego out of the equation.

After our enlightenment, we all went out to dinner at a cheap-o place on Indian row (in keeping with the theme). It was so great to have Jason meet Sarah - I knew they would totally hit it off. I noticed throughout the night that Jason demured on his accomplishments. He didn't mention his language skills, his grad school, or his European project. It was kind of amazing. I asked him about it later, and he said, "I was just really interested in getting to know Sarah better." DAMN! Talk about taking your ego out of the equation. Sarah called me the next day and told me how great she thought he was, intelligent without pretention, able to be silly, and modest. This is the first time she's 1) called me after meeting a bf 2) said how great he was. I'm definitely doing things better this time around.

Jason invited me to go skiing at his parents place upstate this weekend. He said, "I just can't seem to get enough of you. I can't wait to have you all to myself this weekend!"

Ditto.

*scorpio*

Oh, No He Didn't!

I was curled up with Jason when I heard my phone buzz at 5 AM. An unknown number flashed the line, "You keep me up at night." I figured it was Stuart, the 45 year old I left a few weeks ago, and forgot about it.

Today at the office, I get a gchat, from my old boyfriend ...

"Did you get my text?"

I burst out laughing. This guy totally humiliated me exactly one month ago, leaving me sobbing on my bedroom floor. He asked me to be his girlfriend over New Year's and then slept with someone else not three hours later (while I was at the hospital for my first Domestic Violence case). Class all the way, this one.

Still, I decided to see what he wanted, if only for posterity's sake. He said that the girl he cheated on me with was not doing it for him anymore. "It's not butterflies & fireworks," he lamented.

I replied, "You're going to have to stop comparing them to me - you've been doing it for six years and it's not leading to happiness for you. Every relationship is different."

"So now you're giving me relationship advice? You're pushing me away??"

"You're coming to me with a problem, and I want you to be happy," I responded, emotionless.

He then said that he wanted me back and that no one is like me, and what we had was special... blah, blah, blah. I rolled my eyes. Men never figure it out until it's too late, don't they?

"Tell me, are you still dating her?"

"Well, yes, technically... but I'm distancing myself."

"Wow, poor girl..." I sighed. He's such a raging asshole, I feel bad for her.

"Oh, please!" He responded. That made me snap - how could he feel no guilt??

"Oh please?!" I typed, "You have no integrity, no backbone and no balls. You are hedging your bets with me while keeping her on the back burner? Gross, dude. I grew up a long time ago, I suggest you do the same."

And with that, I signed off.

I told you my New Year's resolution was to stand up for myself.

Damn, that felt good.

*scorpio*

Cookie Monster

Ok, I kinda felt like a monster after receiving a jar of homemade cookies at work first thing Monday morning with the following note from the date from my recent post "Donzo":



That could literally be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

*Aries*

Too Close for Comfort

Friday night, after watching Archer with my brother and his girlfriend, (and frantically realizing I couldn't take the car to Boston as it was buried in two feet of snow), I threw on a Club Monaco sparkly mini and Valentino wing top and slipped & hopped my way to Bubble Lounge to meet Mark. Mark and I had one previous date, an impromptu lunch last Thursday. I was a teeny bit late due to said car troubles, which I had explained to him on the phone. When I arrived, he had made friends with a married couple at the bar. Awkwardly, and quite drunkenly, the couple decided to guess our ages. Mark is 39. The couple were 43.... When the husband correctly guessed my age on the first try, his wife shot me the meanest look. Not a great way to start the evening. Dating older men can sometimes be so ... uncomfortable. My spangled miniskirt did little to relieve me of the feeling that I was perceived as his bit-of-stuff.


My concerns were somewhat mollified when we headed over to Macao Trading Co. for dinner:


Mark had reserved the absolute best table nestled in a corner, but still in the center of the room. A self-described champagne connoisseur, he ordered a large bottle of Dom. I was too distracted by the slight rudeness in his voice when he was asking for an ice bucket from the waitress to notice the year. I tried to be extra charming to her to mitigate his sense of superiority. I might have been a bit too sensitive, because he then became quite kind to her.


We ordered a massive fish on the bone for two (no idea what it was since he ordered). I usually don't mind when a man orders for me, as long as he asks my preferences first. I happen to really dislike fish, but when I mentioned that, he told me I would love it anyway. Hmm.


It's hard for me to recall the next few hours... except for to say that every time I started to say something, he interupted me. Perhaps it was his enthusiasm at what I was saying, but I got the impression it was more that he liked the idea of me. Whatever I started to say fit in line with his concept of who I was, and so he didn't feel the need for me to finish. It got a bit annoying, so I drank more.


Suddenly it was 11 PM and I was supposed to meet Jason at my apartment, so he could drive me to his friends house for chocolate souffle. I told Mark I had to get back as I was driving in the morning (no need to mention those plans had changed - we were now taking a bus). Mark insisted on walking me home. My heart skipped a few beats... Jason was driving over to my apartment as we were walking.


I started to get a bit nervous. I expected him to grab a cab as it was quite cold and he was all the way uptown, but he was quite the gentleman. We were nearing my block, I had suggested twice that he get in a cab. He said, "You don't want me to know where you live?" I said, "It's just that cabs are scarce on Friday night and I wouldn't want you to be stranded." He still kept walking with me. I realized, I could not walk down my block with him. What if Jason were waiting in his car and saw me? So I turned up the adjoining street and pretended I lived there. Luckily, another cab came by just as I was about to fake-turn into a building. Even more lucky, he got in. Whew.


I walked the half-block back to my place and ran upstairs. I quick changed and brushed my teeth. I hadn't eaten much at dinner and needed to sober up a bit. Jason was too important to risk hurting. Not two minutes later, he was at my door. It was great to see him again, but I couldn't help feeling a cloud of guilt.


He was in a great mood as he drove me to the apartment. When we got there, we played with the dog a bit as he finished up the chocolate, joking around in French as he pulled the perfect pieces out of the oven. We sat on the couch and talked until 2 AM. It was easy being with him, I didn't feel nervous or on edge at all... until he said it was time for bed.


It's always a little nerve-racking being with someone new, even if it is (mostly) sleeping. I went through the pretense of changing for bed, even though I knew my shirt wouldn't last the night. We crawled in and immediately started making out. It was great to just kind of roll around with him and feel close. But, he's different than the guys I usually date... not nearly as 'take-charge'. Still, I could tell he was really thrilled to have me there. We were both on the same page without having to talk about it - everything stayed above the belt. I'm definitely enjoying taking it slow... and once we were done making out, he said as much. He likes to enjoy every stage and doesn't see the sense in rushing, which is kind of great. I can't remember the last time I was with a guy in bed and he didn't push for anything. It made me feel safe.


We curled up together & fell asleep, spooning. In the morning, he drove me to the bus & briefly met my girlfriends.


The girls and I spent the next two days collapsing in fits of giggles about everything & anything while in Boston. It was a great, restorative weekend with old friends - just what I needed after weeks of being with mostly men.


*scorpio*