Last Friday, I had lunch with THE EX. The first person I ever loved, the biggest heartbreak I've ever suffered. He was in a motorcycle accident not long after we parted, and almost a year later, he's still unable to walk without aid. After the crash, I visited him in hospital and we began a delicate friendship. At the time, I still wasn't totally over him, and seeing him once a week wasn't helping. It was only after he hurt me once again that I was able to literally & figuratively close the door on our love. As soon as I did, I found the person I really wanted.
He and I remained text buddies though, I wanted to keep tabs on his recovery/ act as suicide watch. I mentioned to Jason that he and I were to meet for lunch, to which he replied, "You don't have to tell me that stuff." And he never asked about it again. Whoa, right?
So the ex and I ambled to lunch last Friday, he in his cast and me in my skyscraper heels. We ate and laughed and reminisced. It was one of those lunches where you realize how far you've come. This time last year, we had lunch the day after I was fired. I was still deeply in love with him, deeply in debt and crushed with sadness. This year, I'm into an Ivy league grad program, debt-free, and thrilled with my new boyfriend. Last year, he was just accepted to Georgetown business school, had a new girlfriend and a packed social calendar. This year, he's just back at work after a 9 month hiatus, deeply in debt and his friends are all married or living together. He's the last single one.
Still, it was nice to see him again. He asked if I was in love with Jason, and I stuttered and blushed. He reassured me that it was ok to tell him, and I said, "Well, I'm a bit gunshy towards love considering the last person I said I love you to was you. If I recall, you replied, "I want to love you but I can't" which is probably the single most painful sentance in the English language." We both laughed at his commitment phobia and he told me that he probably would've given me the key I asked for if he wasn't so insecure. While that would've thrown me into a tailspin a year prior, now I see him for who he is. And it's ok.
Walking away from lunch, I felt light and happy. We'd made jokes out of our old wounds, we'd given each other advice (his, of course, was to not see my fuck buddy ever again. Pretty solid, if you ask me), I'd teased him about his man-whoring and ability to pick up women no matter his physical state. It didn't bother him that I was happy with my boyfriend. It didn't bother me that he was sleeping his way through the city. The love was gone but the friendship remained.
Kind of the best of both worlds, eh?
*scorpio*
PS I'm still terrified of falling in love. I'll never forget that searing pain.
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