The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

I think most New Yorkers are familiar with the story that has gripped the headlines over the past two days. I read this article in the Post today and was overwhelmed with an uneasy feeling. I would never want to assume any details of what Sarah's relationship was like, but the few written details are eerily similar to the abusive relationship I endured.

All of the articles describe Raul Barrera as a stylish, popular, smooth talking, ladies man that people were charmed by. I can remember going out with my abuser and was hurt and baffled by the fact that everyone loved him. I just wanted them to see the other side when they were not around. I had flashbacks throughout the day today of running, but not running fast enough. His arms seemed to be able to reach me at any distance and would wrap around me like an anaconda strangling it's prey. I remember the endless fights that literally lasted for hours until my own voice to myself was shut out. The police were called during one such fight. The two male officers looked on as my abuser held my hands behind my back. I remember hiding my tears in his shoulder as he assured them everything was ok. My heart sank as they simply took his word for it and left.

Some articles have mentioned a history of violence and domestic abuse in his past and in his relationship with Sarah. If you put the four of us in a photo line up, we would look like the perfect match to play each other in a film. I always knew the deep untamed violence that lived within my abuser, but I was lucky enough that when the law stepped in I was ready to leave the relationship forever.

I feel so blessed that I never had to face a death so horrific it makes you feel sick to even think about. I can't imagine the thoughts that Sarah was thinking as she lay dying, after her lover/killer left her for dead. I have seen the cold blank stare in the eyes of a man who is acting, but not thinking. I honestly was never so terrified because at that point they are not in control of their body. No words will connect in their head, no matter how much you yell and plead.

An abusive relationship can escalate so quickly. The abuser is like a ticking time bomb, which makes organizations like SAVI that much more important. I read that her family was going to help her move out on the Sunday she was killed. This story validates my feelings about the work that Scorpio and I do and how much more work needs to be done.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who is grieving for Sarah Coit.


http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/killer_charm_N4fRhl9rEy43nscdnotFJM

*Aries*

Candelight Vigil

On Sunday, Aries and I met on the West End for a Candelight Vigil with SAVI. The Vigil was to honor anyone who'd been a victim of a crime. The service was beautiful, and multi-faith. And the choir was super inspiring and soulful. Survivors came up to speak about their experiences. One woman had been injured while standing on a street corner. A man made an illegal U-turn, prompting a taxi to spin out of control and pin the pedestrian to the fire hydrant. Her leg was amputated. Scary stuff, huh?

Others had lost children to crime, which was heartbreaking. No parent should outlive their child.

While all the survivors stories were inspiring and touching, and their strength moving... there was one woman who stood out. She was tiny, with flame red hair and a booming voice. She had been on the subway at rush hour last September, when a man exposed himself to her. Rather than shy away and try to ignore it, she took action. In a loud voice, she informed the car what the man was doing. She asked that her fellow passengers take photos of him to assist with arrest. She made HIM feel embarassed rather than feeling shamed herself (as so many sexual assaults unfairly do make the surivior feel shame). She really flipped the power dynamic. As soon as the subway car stopped, he was promptly arrested. She testified in court, he was convicted to probabtion and deported. For the rest of his life, he will have to file as a sex offender.

The funny thing is, the bystanders didn't just take photos. Someone also videotaped her laying the smack-down to the offender. The video went viral online, and thousands of women wrote in thanking her for her courage and telling their own stories.

Amazing how one little person can change things, huh?

*scorpio*

Religion is the Punchline

This past week, I went to The Book of Mormon broadway play with a bunch of friends. I knew nothing about it prior to attending, save for the fact that tickets are sold out indefinitely. Obviously, I had to go.

I grew up in Arizona, which has a large Mormon population (trickled down from Salt Lake). Some of my best friend were Mormon. (Some of my best friends were also nerds, jocks, party girls, etc) I remmeber being recruited by a classmate in third grade. I was on the phone with her and she asked me to come to church with her. I was excited about hanging out with her, but before I could eagerly say yes, my mom intervened. She explained to me that the girl was Mormon and trying to convert me. I was surprised and confused.

Later, in high school my best male friend was Mormon. I remember having lengthy discussions on morality and religion with him. All the Mormons I knew were strict - no caffeine, nothing more than kissing, and of course no alcohol/drugs. It's hard to be a teenager and adhere to that mandate. Mitch was actually pretty great at it. After his mission, he married a nice girl at the age of 20, and now they have children.

I grew up knowing Mormonism wasn't for me (I mean, obviously!) but I respected their commitment.... until I dated a Mormon guy and he frustrated me endlessly by feeling guilty every time we kissed. That did not last long.

Suffice it to say, the play was wildly entertaining. My background in Mormonism only served to make it funnier. It's definitely a bit racy - there's a song called, "Fuck You, God" and they say the word clitoris about 50 times (in reference to FGM, commonly practiced in some African religions/cultures).

Go see it, if you're lucky enough to score a ticket.

BTW, Cameron Diaz, Steve Martin and Whoopi Goldberg were in the audience the night I went!

*scorpio*


FGM= Female Genital Mutilation, or Female Circumcision. The young girl's clitoris is cut off and her labia is stiched together. This happens between the ages of 8 - 13, and depending on the economic situation, it can be administered brutally, with a shard of glass and no painkiller. A little different than Western Male Circumcision, if you ask me.

Super Saturday

This Saturday was one of the best I have had in New York. I woke up over cuddled and sexed up. After saying goodbye to Mr. possibly perfect I practically floated to a new yoga class. It ended up being an hour and thirty minutes of Bob Marley and life coaching, while burning calories :) After my chi had been adjusted, I decided to treat myself to a cappuccino and chocolate croissant and take a stroll around Tribeca and Greenwich Village. The sun was shining and actually providing warmth! I found a lovely spot on a pier facing the Statue of Liberty and enjoyed my lavish breakfast without a care in the world.



A few hours later I walked to get a deep tissue massage. I was so relaxed I didn't know what to do with myself. So I went home for a long warm shower and met up with London for a West Village bar hop that I won't soon forget ;)

*Aries*

Day Dreaming...

...of my upcoming European jaunt with my boyfriend. While clicking through, I started to notice a pattern:
























Someone's happy!

*scorpio*
All Images from BCBG and ZARA

Annoyingly Perfect

When I was in college, I had this frenemy who was dating someone from another school. Everytime she was asked about the relationship, she would -annoyingly- say, "It's perfect!" This used to irk me to no end, because I had no idea what a perfect relationship was. I assumed she was lying to herself and everyone else. I mean, no drunken fights? No jealousy? No clingyness?

I've been avoiding posting about my relationship with Jason because... (drumroll, please) it's Perfect. Sigh.

This weekend, he met my mother & her fiancee and it was lovely. The four of us had dinner at La Lanturna on Thursday. We sat in front of the fire and shared wine and stories. Jason was a little nervous, but totally impressive nonetheless. When the waitress informed me that they didn't have the Buffula that I was drooling over on the menu, I recoiled. My mom & her fiancee both said later that they knew they liked him when, while I was suffering through my disappointment, he put his hand on my back and gave me a reassuring rub. They liked that he noticed my mood but didn't cater to it. (Gotta say, they're right on that one, though I'd never admit it!)

On Sunday, we all had brunch with my brother and his girlfriend. It was the first time the original three (mom, me, bro) had dined with all of our significant others. For lack of a better word, it was significant. We relaxed at Freeman's for two hours, chatting and laughing until we cried.

See? Annoyingly perfect.

*scorpio*