Juggling Act

I can remember a time when I was shocked by the idea that you had to discuss being exclusive with someone. In the early days of dating, the man who asked you out wanted a serious relationship and it would just continue to develop in an organic way. Maybe that is just how things work in a small southern town?

Many jaded years and big cities later I realized nothing is as it seems unless you put it in writing, after a background check, and psychological evaluation! I find it ironic that the moment I decided to give up dating, I started relationships with three different men and counting. I have three new dates this week, two of which I connect with on fundamental levels that are new to any partners I have romanced so far. Would it even be possible to date five men at one time?? I feel like I now know what it is like to date like a man. I am surprised that I don't feel any remorse or shame sleeping with one after the other (not necessarily having sex). I am choosing to live in the moment. Monogamy feels like a distant memory that I have no interest in revisiting.

After "London" revealed his feelings, I did feel a pang of guilt. I have to admit it is a selfish act to have multiple partners, not even thinking about their feelings. I don't remember what happened to the wholesome woman, who used to dream about the perfect relationship. I feel like all of these men see me in the light I used to see myself in. Now, I would be considered a total player. I was trying to count my lovers while I walked along the westside highway and ended up saying "that weird guy, oh and that blonde guy, and what was his name....oh well him too." When he told me that he only slept with three people, I blushed at the thought of telling him how many times he would have to multiply his number to get to mine. Society accepts that men can sleep with a new woman every night, while the woman is supposed to pine away for Prince Charming to take her virginity.

I don't know if these men are thinking we are monogamous and developing something with potential or if I am one of many women in their lives too? I guess there is no way to tell until we have the conversation. I will be left speechless and may have to plead the 5th when that time comes.

*Aries*