Lost in Translation

I think the movie with Bill Murray make more sense than what happened on my date last night.

I had been looking forward to this date after texting about music for two weeks. It is rare that I meet a man who is just as into music as I am. He had text me throughout my week of the flu, which I found endearing as another man simply said "I'm glad I got a flu shot two weeks before I went out with you because you could have made me sick". (Thanks JACKASS).

We met at a cozy jazz club in the East Village called Rue B. He is a young, cute, newbie from "across the pond". We jumped into an intense conversation about music and traveling, that was interrupted by a crazy woman who practically jumped on our table. The guests next to us said "Welcome to New York! That lady harassed us just before you sat down". He laughed it off and we decided to share a bottle of wine after my usual Kettle One martini. I suddenly realized I was wasted and against my better judgement decided on straight Jack at the second bar. I thought I was going to get sick as I had nothing in my stomach to absorb the alcohol. I decided to take charge of the date and took him to a Brett Ratner movie after party. I don't remember the cab ride there because I was focusing on not puking out the window. I came to once we crossed the street to The Chelsea Room. I felt 25 again, when you just let go and enjoy being spontaneous. We laughed and danced for a moment until we both looked at each other and decided to go somewhere more low key. I took him to Rosebar to relax and play pool. We grabbed the table as soon as we walked in and had just started to play when this guy comes over and asks if he and his girlfriend can play with us. We agreed, which in the end was the mistake of the night.

I realized I was too drunk to play and became completely sidetracked talking to an old crush. I actually left my date to play alone as I went to the bar to catch up with some old friends. I kept my eye on the my date and the creepy guy playing pool. When I walked back to the table I finally had an affectionate moment alone with my date, until the creep appeared right behind us. He was like a leech to my date the entire time we were at Rosebar. At 3:30am, I found myself sitting at a table snuggling next to my date with the creep and his friend sitting with us giving me the evil eye. Luckily, I made fast friends with a fabulous gay guy who sat down next to me.

4:00am rolls around and I go to the bathroom. My date followed me, and the creep followed close behind him. We walked outside and the creep followed and asked us what our plans were. I said "we are just hanging out". He proceeded to get into a cab, then got out of the cab and walked back over to us and asked the same question again? I pulled my date away and complained about how creepy this guy was. My date asked me what I would like to do and then said "Can I be really honest with you? I am really REALLY drunk and I like you. I want a second, third, fourth, and fifth date with you, so I don't want to go home with you and look like an idiot." At first I thought this was sweet, but then I watched him look over at the creep and his male friend.

Aries: "Are you going with them?!"

Date: "Yes." He deadpans.

Aries: "Why?!"

Date: "They don't mean anything to me. I don't care about them, but I do care about you. Do you understand?"

I looked at him, then the creeps, then back at him.

Aries: "No?! I don't!"

I was intoxicated, but even if I was sober I would not have been able to process that my date was choosing to go home with two males that he had just met, over me at 4:00am?? I couldn't even think of anything to say so I just mumbled "Uh, ok....I'm just going to take this cab then". I didn't even look back to see what was happening. I slumped in the cab completely astonished and confused. I immediately BBM'd my new gay best friend to get his opinion. "GAY" he wrote back. UGH!!! I seriously think I am not meant to date in New York City. I think I have now officially seen it all.

I woke up 3 hours later like a zombie rising from a grave. I was fully clothed and squinting with mascara raccoon eyes as I walked to the shower. I was hoping that it was all just a bad dream, which my gay friends quickly reminded me it is my reality. They kept me laughing all day long as they responded to my S.O.S messages from 4am. I was shocked when my date text me "Thanks for an awesome evening :)". What "awesome" evening?? I played pimp to my own date to someone of the opposite sex! Glad he had fun taking it up the ass or whatever he chose to do with the creeps at 4:30am. He then invited me to go to the MOMA with him on Saturday. I can just be friends with him, but my fabulous nights are now reserved for my good friends. Everyone else can find their own dates and not waste my precious time in New York.

*Aries*

Redefining Rape??

You guys, please sign this petition. Legislators are moving to redefine rape as 'forcible' only. This means the survivor would have to have bruises, cuts, etc for it to be considered rape. The ramifications of this are cataclysmic and propels us back to the 1950's when it wasn't rape unless a woman physically fought back against her attacker. As many of you know, in many cases this is not possible, not recommended, or simply not that kind of rape. It's not all back alley's with strangers...

http://pol.moveon.org/smithbill/?rc=fb.share.smithbill.0.2.taf.alt.alt6

Aries & Scorpio

If It's Good Enough for Mario...

Last night, after an stress-fueled run (you should've seen me pounding it out on that treadmill), I met Martin for our second date. We were originally supposed to go to Lair, but it was totally dead so we walked around the corner and picked between a few places. He was undecided so I said we should try this cute Italian place called Osteria Morini.

It was totally packed, but we managed to get a table near the front, as I was starving & didn't want to wait. He picked a great bottle of wine while I debated the many incredible options on the menu. Just as I'd decided on the tagliatelle with veal ragu, I looked up to see Mario Batali walk in for dinner with a group of friends! Wow. I had no idea I had accidentally picked a restaurant that great. I had to explain who he was to my date, who's English and a recent transplant.

We settled in with a bottle of wine and some antipasti and talked about our work ethics. It's so interesting to date men at the top of their game, I love hearing their perspectives on how they run their business and manage their employees. He talked about his need for control, and how he knows he's almost always right. Confidence is attractive, sure, and I played along. After all, I'm a bit of a control freak myself. A few times, when I was talking about my philosophy, he gave me this great look like he totally agreed and couldn't believe I'd said that. It was great to see him kind of loosen up a bit and not brag so much - during our first date he was quite the blowhard, at least for the first hour.

By any other standard, it was a great date. I, however, have been lucky enough to have some truly fantastic dates lately, and so I skipped home to text with Johan.

I'm seeing him tonight... can't wait!

*scorpio*

Buddha Belly

On Tuesday, Jason met me after work to attend a meditation seminar with me and my friend Sarah. We walked into the class and realized it wasn't a one-off, but rather a series of classes. We'd already missed six.

Thankfully, the teacher was super welcoming and took the time to explain concepts to us newbies. It was pretty compelling nonetheless. We talked about how to stop the cycle of obsessive thoughts - and the concept that we control our thoughts (and therefore our attitudes). I definitely forget that sometimes. I remembered when I was getting over my ex, I felt like I couldn't stop thinking about him, it was driving me mad. I finally started just yelling "Stop!" out loud everytime he creeped into my head. And you know, it worked... eventually. Definitely something I'd like to get better at.

We also talked about the idea that too much pleasure always equals pain. Think about it.

Finally, we talked about how fleeting pleasure is, and how endless the pursuit of it can become. We think that (simplistically) a pair of shoes is going to make us feel better. It does, in the moment, but then that moment fades and with it the pleasure... (don't I know!) On a deeper level, he said even the pursuit of pleasure in the sense of our relationships fades. I wasn't really sure I understood that as well. He finally said that the only true pleasure, and therefore peace, comes from within. You decide how you view the world, you decide how you interpret others, you decide to be happy. That I liked.

Lately, I've been trying to do more of that... not be a slave to my emotions, but rather recognize and control them. I try to reinterpret things so that I realize that most of the things people do have nothing to do with me! It makes me a more understanding person, and a better friend, I think. You've gotta take your own ego out of the equation.

After our enlightenment, we all went out to dinner at a cheap-o place on Indian row (in keeping with the theme). It was so great to have Jason meet Sarah - I knew they would totally hit it off. I noticed throughout the night that Jason demured on his accomplishments. He didn't mention his language skills, his grad school, or his European project. It was kind of amazing. I asked him about it later, and he said, "I was just really interested in getting to know Sarah better." DAMN! Talk about taking your ego out of the equation. Sarah called me the next day and told me how great she thought he was, intelligent without pretention, able to be silly, and modest. This is the first time she's 1) called me after meeting a bf 2) said how great he was. I'm definitely doing things better this time around.

Jason invited me to go skiing at his parents place upstate this weekend. He said, "I just can't seem to get enough of you. I can't wait to have you all to myself this weekend!"

Ditto.

*scorpio*

Oh, No He Didn't!

I was curled up with Jason when I heard my phone buzz at 5 AM. An unknown number flashed the line, "You keep me up at night." I figured it was Stuart, the 45 year old I left a few weeks ago, and forgot about it.

Today at the office, I get a gchat, from my old boyfriend ...

"Did you get my text?"

I burst out laughing. This guy totally humiliated me exactly one month ago, leaving me sobbing on my bedroom floor. He asked me to be his girlfriend over New Year's and then slept with someone else not three hours later (while I was at the hospital for my first Domestic Violence case). Class all the way, this one.

Still, I decided to see what he wanted, if only for posterity's sake. He said that the girl he cheated on me with was not doing it for him anymore. "It's not butterflies & fireworks," he lamented.

I replied, "You're going to have to stop comparing them to me - you've been doing it for six years and it's not leading to happiness for you. Every relationship is different."

"So now you're giving me relationship advice? You're pushing me away??"

"You're coming to me with a problem, and I want you to be happy," I responded, emotionless.

He then said that he wanted me back and that no one is like me, and what we had was special... blah, blah, blah. I rolled my eyes. Men never figure it out until it's too late, don't they?

"Tell me, are you still dating her?"

"Well, yes, technically... but I'm distancing myself."

"Wow, poor girl..." I sighed. He's such a raging asshole, I feel bad for her.

"Oh, please!" He responded. That made me snap - how could he feel no guilt??

"Oh please?!" I typed, "You have no integrity, no backbone and no balls. You are hedging your bets with me while keeping her on the back burner? Gross, dude. I grew up a long time ago, I suggest you do the same."

And with that, I signed off.

I told you my New Year's resolution was to stand up for myself.

Damn, that felt good.

*scorpio*

Cookie Monster

Ok, I kinda felt like a monster after receiving a jar of homemade cookies at work first thing Monday morning with the following note from the date from my recent post "Donzo":



That could literally be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

*Aries*