Falling In

A few weekends ago, Jason mentioned that one of his aunts has cancer and at best, a few months to live. He invited me to join him in visiting her that weekend, but I declined thinking it best to meet the family during a less stressful time.
Last weekend was supposed to be that time. He asked me to come upstate with him on Saturday and spend the day with his family. Sensing I probably couldn't get away with saying No twice, I agreed.

On the car ride up, he asked me if I was nervous. I thought about it and said, "No, not really." I guess he took that as a challenge.

"Ok, so you'll be meeting my aunt Pat and uncle Jim, older cousins Debbie and John, his son John, cousins Sandy and Dave, their children Joey and Jake. And of course, my mom and dad. Oh, and it was kind of Pat's dying wish to meet you. Don't be alarmed, she is not going to look good at all."

Of course, he saved this little speech for the driveway. I sat there, frozen. Visions of my grandmother's last days flashed through my head. I could not keep it together for her, how was I going to handle a stranger near death?

I said, "I hope you realize that you're asking a huge thing of me. At least I had the decency to dole out my family one member at a time! We are moving at warp speed here, it's only been a month!!" He just looked at me patiently, and said in a smooth voice, "You're going to be great - they'll love you."

I breathed.

"Ready?"

As we entered the house I was immediately put at ease. The place was lovely and his family seemed warm and kind. I helped myself to a drink and attempted to slow my heartbeat while I waited for his parent's & aunt's arrival. Soon the house was filled with people - probably 30 in all. It seems his cousins had invite the neighborhood. Considering my entire family is three people, I was a bit overwhelmed. Jason was great about staying with me and making me feel safe.

Once his aunt arrived, she asked to meet me. I was led into the room, a little nervous at what I might see. She actually looked great for her condition and I was instantly relieved. She took my hand in hers and talked to me for ten minutes. Her whole face lit up when she saw me, it was so sweet.

Later, Jason and I took a hike in the woods nearby. We ended up getting completely lost and had to run about a mile back along the highway looking for the car. It was so much fun. We made it back in time for dessert and a little chat with his parents.

I didn't get a chance to talk to his parents too much - it's kinda hard with 30 people to meet! I was a little nervous that I didn't do as well with them as I would've liked, but Jason later told me that his aunt said I was beautiful and had such a kind demeanor, and his mother said that I fit right in with the family.

Success!


This weekend, Jason's at bat. He's meeting my mother and her fiancee....I've saved the best (and most difficult) for last. My mother is quite hard to please. I probably won't tell him that until we're at the doorway, though!

*scorpio*

Under Pressure

Last weekend, Jason & I housesat for his friends. We were excited to spend time with their puppy, Petey... how naive we were. The dog was so badly behaved it was maddening. He wouldn't stop moving and barking and licking and begging for attention. We did everything we could think of - walking, feeding, playing. Nothing sated the little monster. On top of that, while Jason and I were finally getting our groove on in the bedroom, we put Petey in the living room. Just as I was getting into it, I heard the damn dog bark. I tried to ignore it but the barks became more insistent and we had to stop. Jason and I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling, hypothosizing what could be wrong with Petey. I had this flash - OMG this feels like what it would be like to raise a child! It was all too real.

The miasma of panic stayed with me through the week. I did the mental math - we'd only been offically together for a month. ONE MONTH. And he's talking about going to Europe with me this summer, and what are August plans are, and whether he should live part-time with me next year while I'm at school. I felt like the world was closing in. Just one month ago, I was dating tons of people, going out all the time and feeling free. Now I feel all of this pressure.

Jason called last night. My roommate is going to be out of town this next week and I'm looking forward to having the place to myself. I casually mentioned this to Jason and he suggested, without missing a beat, that he come and stay with me in my apartment for the week. A whole week of me getting up and going to work and trying to work out and meeting friends all while having him there, writing his dissertation and cooking. It just Freaked Me Out.

I'm the type of girl who's gone entire relationships without letting the guy see my place. I like my space. I like my alone time. I'm not ready to be showing my post-workout side or my coming-home-buzzed side. I don't want him asking what I'm doing that night. I don't want the obligation of telling someone where I am. Baby steps, for goddsakes. It's only been a month! In my last relationship, we didn't even see each other sober for almost three months. This is warp speed for me.

Of course, the great thing about Jason is that I can talk to him about this stuff. So we talked about how I feel like we're moving too fast and perhaps we shouldn't be talking about the future so much. I even told him that if we weren't long distance, he wouldn't even know my address yet. I think he understood. We'll see how it goes this weekend.

The funny thing is- and he concurred- we both freak out when we're not together and I build up my walls and he overanalyzes, but then when we see each other everything is perfect- like, truly wonderful.

But let's not get too excited.
*scorpio*