This Skin

I was recently at a wedding with a few good friends when I said...."This Vodka is like....."
My good friend quickly echoed "Heaven to your soul?"

Before Scorpio and I switched to straight vodka, we had a candid catch up about our lives. We are both anxious for the season of change that is quickly heading our way. In the next 6 months, nothing will be the same in our lives. We are both traveling, moving, and shifting our career goals. The best way to calm our nerves seems to be Kettle One and conversation. My transition is not just physical, but mental. I joke about rapidly approaching an early 30 crisis, but the reality is I am shedding a layer of skin that has been dragged through my entire life. Maybe this is a typical metamorphisis for women in their thirties?

Italy brought childhood issues and personality flaws to the surface, but only because I was searching deep within myself for the past 6 months. I reached the point of being comfortable with whatever I discovered about myself and the next step of my life. Now it is almost like I am preparing to molt a 29 year old layer of myself in preparation for the new cells to breathe. I own all of my experiences because they have shaped the woman that I am, but they have not been easy. I am not going to pull a Paris Hilton and complain about my pampered life, because I am aware of the poverty and suffering that many people endure everyday. In a nutshell I have everything and I am incredibly lucky. It is funny that many people who are only missing one piece of the puzzle can only focus on that piece. I have to have faith that I will make the best decisions for my future before the New Year when I can look forward to life in my new skin.

*Aries*

*BEAUTIFUL artwork by Andrea Galluzzo*
http://www.andreagalluzzo.com/

Damn Those Southern Belles!

I just finished watching this random show, Southern Belles, on Hulu.

It is like Sex in the City and The Kardashians, southern style. The shows drama seems to be that these women are completely freaked out about being 30 and sweating the fact that their lives are not 100% together. Of coarse the main focus is placed on the lack of a husband and kids. I understand this pressure being raised in the south. I think 90% of the girls in my high school class are married with 1.5 kids. Two years ago, I went to a baby shower and this old southern woman grabbed my left hand and shrieked "you're not married!?"

Do I need a serious life plan before turning 30? I think it is hitting me as many of my liberal northern friends are starting to settle down. I see all of these massive diamonds on the fingers of girls five years younger than me. There must be some koolaid in the office that I am not drinking because everyone around me is pregnant. It really makes you feel good when your closest coworker comes up to you and announces that she is 6 months pregnant, followed by "I mean I am almost 30 so it's now or never!" The pressures of an aging female are endless and quite serious. I recently made a mental check list of things to change by next spring: career, apartment, love life, health....(do I need to go any further as that is basically everything)!

My answer is apparently retail therapy. What does almost $500 of Nars products look like... I went in for a blush and walked out with a full makeover and too many wrinkle fighting face products.


Did I mention that I made an appointment to chop off about 5 inches of my hair, had a tattoo consultation, and bought a new smoking device on St. Marks today? Yeh, I don't even think a new pair of Jimmy Choos could solve this coming crisis.

*Aries*

99c Dreams

I was deep in my thoughts on the LIRR, as I watched the trees and small towns pass by. I was dreading the sight of Penn Station after a lovely wedding weekend on Long Island. The past week traveled at warp speed with my birthday, dinner dates, and 3 nights snuggled up to my new man. The weekend in his home town only showed me how much I could love this person. I realized this as my thoughts floated in the dizzy reflection of life passing by outside of the train. I was listening to a mix of strong love songs when my eyes locked on the neon letters "99c DREAMS". This was a typical dollar store littered in a poverty stricken town along the train tracks, but I found something so poetic about it.

I can't stop thinking about "99c Dreams". I am noticing that the late twenties seems to be a period of serious anguish and change. You reach a point when your life isn't satisfying enough, so you want to change everything. You can't be as impulsive as you were in your early twenties, because at this point it is not just a job, but a career. Love is not just a game, it starts to develop emotional strings that spin a web of added compromises and responsibilities. As a woman, deadlines begin to form for marriage, kids, and some sort of cookie cutter happiness that society burns into our brains from birth.

You realize there are big dreams and then all of these 99c Dreams, that you may let go of if the right job, partner, or opportunity appears before you. This can lead to regret or greatness and only your gut can guide you on how to move forward.

Thirty may not be so bad after all!

*Aries*