Little do they know...

Saturday night found Aries & me on the deck of a new friend’s house, trying to beat the insufferable heat with champagne and skyline views. We’d met our new friends at SoHo House a few weeks prior and were enamored with their British accents and cheeky attitudes.

We arrived to find a few Eastern Bloc women and several utterly charming men, one of whom was having girlfriend problems. Being the patient (and slightly nosy) listener that I am, I settled in for a rehashing of the issue. Turns out, he’s been bankrolling his lovely live-in girlfriend for quite some time, and is practically choking at the bills his sweetheart manages to rack up. While he’s supremely successful, he naively gave her his credit card (no limit!) and was surprised when she tested it. She’s an out-of-work actress with a penchant for Pilates, semi-weekly horseback riding lessons, and a beauty regimen befitting a working actress. I give him the best advice I could: cut out one of her expenses and see how she how she reacts. I assure him he’ll find out everything he needs to know in the five minutes following.
(The Eastern Bloc woman wholeheartedly disagreed – her take was that women should have every expense handled for them…Once she realized her’s was not the popular opinion, she shuttled her friends & her fishnets out of the apartment.)

Aries had left to meet up with an old friend, and I soon found myself the single female sandwiched in between five men as we drove downtown to their nightclub, Juliet. One of the men I am seeing kept texting me, asking me to come to the movie premiere of his friend, but I was having too much fun. The guys were seriously entertaining and I was enjoying my little adventure.

The adventure quickly took a turn for the worse once inside. I had a couple sips of champagne before realizing that I felt truly horrible. I mentally calculated what I had eaten that day and realized, woefully, that my last meal was brunch in DC 12 hours prior. My new (and soon to be single) friend stood with me outside and tried to help me breathe. I realized that I couldn’t be saved, made excuses and apologies and walked away as elegantly as one can upon realizing that they are moments from vomiting. Not 10 steps later (though safely out of eyesight- whew) my suspicions were proven correct. Luckily, I managed to miss my Dolce & Gabbana pencil skirt.

I texted Aries, “OMG I just threw up!! Wish you were here☹” By the time she had written back 40 minutes later, I had pulled myself together (thank God for 24-hour Duane Reade) and was watching one of my dates DJ at Marquee. Obviously, I like him enough to put up with Marquee on a Saturday… or any day for that matter! He was thrilled to see me and kept saying how great I looked. It’s a testament to Laura Mercier that I still managed to look good after what I’d just been through.

She texted, “Are you ok??? It’s too late to go out now, but I can meet you if you are sick”

“Well, I totally threw up, as you know. Luckily it didn’t get on anything! Then I got a toothbrush & mouthwash & water, pulled myself together and told [#1 beau] I was coming. But he had left, so I met [#2 beau] and we hung out for an hour before I limped home… btw Wolf was asking about you”

“Haha! What a night! Wolf just called me and I really had nothing to say”

“Yeah there is nothing to say to him, he’s SUCH an ass!! Did he even try to apologize for his shockingly rude comments?”

“No, he thinks he is charming and fun”

“Little does he know…”

*scorpio*